Let’s face it, after about the third grade it feels so much harder to make friends. We start hanging out with like-minded people more and do less asking the kid next to us if he wants to play with our slime. We have gotten so used to talking through a computer screen we have almost lost the ability to know how to talk to others face to face. I think we need more help than ever in knowing how to start a conversation. So what are a couple of things you can do?
I don’t mean dress in a crazy way, I mean wear something that really interests you, that will attract people interested in the same thing. For instance, let’s say you love led zeppelin, wear a led zeppelin shirt. That can be a conversation starter if you are someone that struggles to start talking and coming up with topics. If you have to go somewhere fancy, wear a nice brand you like that others will be able to recognize. This is especially helpful for people that are shy or introverted that have a hard time starting a conversation. It will draw out the outgoing people.
Now this one is tricky because you don’t want to seem inauthentic. Don’t go around a group and mention you like everyone’s teeth. That’s just weird. Do people even tell other people they like their teeth? Anyway if you genuinely like something or genuinely feel something, don’t hesitate to dish it out. Making other people feel good is the first step in the right direction. Giving a compliment can be a good conversation starter, it shows you are genuine and nice and can appreciate others.
What’s their name? Are they in school or work? What’s their favorite color? You of course don’t want to ask so many questions that it feels like they are being investigated, but balance the conversation. Let them share something and then you share something. Try to be genuinely interested in the conversation and listen to what the other person is saying. Sometimes we get nervous and instead of listening we try to think of the next thing we are going to say. Don’t worry you’ll be able to talk! But first hear the person in front of you.
Psychology says mimicking someone makes them feel positive and can make a person feel more persuasive. Now over doing it can make it look like you are mocking them or that you are crazy. That’s why the key word is subtlety. You can do it through body positioning, face movements, eye contact, tone of voice or choice of words. If they touch their face, after a little bit you touch your face. Doing it too quickly will make the person think they have something on their face. They use a certain word, try to use the word in another part of the conversation. Try to mimic a couple things in each conversation. And if someone mimics you, it might mean they like you as a person!
Don’t try to be someone you aren’t. Its exhausting trying to keep up with a persona you aren’t and people catch on quickly. You’ll just find yourself friendless and in a big mess. It isn’t worth it. Don’t be afraid to be yourself! That way you can authentically meet people that are similar to you and talk about things you are genuinely interested in. If people don’t accept you for who you are, that’s their problem not yours (unless no one wants to be around you, then there’s some self reflecting needed.)
Making new friends can be hard! Especially when you don’t know where to start. I hope some of these tips help you the next time you find yourself wanting to start a conversation but not knowing what to do.
Leave a comment below about any tips you have or your experiences with trying to talk and make new friends!
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