Why Flying Monkeys Side With The Narcissist

What Are Flying Monkeys?

The term “flying monkeys” originates from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch uses the monkeys to carry out her bidding. In the context of narcissistic relationships, flying monkeys refer to the people—often friends, family, or colleagues—whom the narcissist manipulates to do their “dirty work” for them. These individuals might seem to take the narcissist’s side, defending them, spreading their narratives, or even attacking others on their behalf. Narcissists often seek out people who will reinforce their ego, feed their sense of superiority, and enable their manipulation tactics, whether these individuals realize it or not.

Why Do Flying Monkeys Side with the Narcissist?

Flying monkeys don’t automatically take the narcissist’s side for no reason. Several factors influence their behavior, making them more susceptible to being drawn into the narcissist’s orbit:

1. Lack of Self-Awareness
   Many flying monkeys lack the self-awareness to recognize manipulative behaviors. They might not understand what the narcissist is truly doing and can’t see the toxic patterns. This unawareness makes it easy for the narcissist to manipulate them into believing a carefully crafted story or victim narrative.
2. Drama and Excitement
   Some people thrive on drama, enjoying the emotional ups and downs it brings. Narcissists know this and use it to their advantage, involving these individuals in their disputes to stir up conflict and attract attention.
3. Desire to Belong
   Narcissists often make their flying monkeys feel special and appreciated, sometimes love-bombing them to secure their loyalty. Feeling important or “in” on the narcissist’s world gives these individuals a sense of belonging they may not have elsewhere.
4. Victim Mentality and Savior Complex
   Narcissists can appear very convincing in playing the victim. Flying monkeys with a “savior complex” feel compelled to step in, believing they’re supporting someone who’s genuinely hurt or wronged. The narcissist exploits this, relying on these people to defend and advocate for them as they create divisions.
5. Fear of Confrontation or Rejection
   Some people are simply followers. They may feel safer aligning with the narcissist than standing up to them, especially if the narcissist holds a position of power or influence in their lives. This tendency to “follow the crowd” without questioning is a trait narcissists deliberately seek out.

Narcissists’ Smear Campaign and Building Their “Army”

Narcissists typically don’t start a smear campaign out of nowhere. They carefully plant seeds of doubt over time, subtly portraying their target as problematic. For example, they might make passive-aggressive jokes, roll their eyes when the person speaks, or make comments that suggest the target is lazy, incompetent, or untrustworthy. Over time, this creates a narrative that paints the target in a negative light. Once they’ve created this foundation, they gradually escalate their claims, calling on their flying monkeys to “help” or “support” them against this “difficult” individual.

The flying monkeys often don’t see the manipulation or understand that they’re part of a smear campaign. Instead, they believe they’re helping a “victim,” making them feel good about themselves and solidifying their loyalty to the narcissist.

How to Handle Flying Monkeys

If you’re dealing with flying monkeys, it can feel overwhelming and hurtful to see people you trusted turn against you. Here are some strategies for managing this challenging situation:

1. Acknowledge the Betrayal and Grief
   Allow yourself to process the betrayal. It’s natural to feel hurt, disappointed, and even angry. Accepting that the people who sided with the narcissist may not understand the situation is an essential first step.
2. Stay in Your Reality
   Narcissists create confusion by manipulating facts and emotions. To avoid self-doubt, remind yourself of the reality you’ve experienced, the conversations you’ve had, and the toxic behaviors you’ve observed. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend or therapist can help reinforce your perspective.
3. Avoid Reacting
   Engaging with flying monkeys or attempting to correct them can often backfire, giving the narcissist more ammunition. Instead, focus on protecting your energy and avoid trying to convince them of your side. Trust that your truth will prevail.
4. Build a Support System
   Surround yourself with people who understand you and the situation. Supportive friends, family, and even a coach or therapist can help keep you grounded and offer validation and reassurance.

Final Thoughts

Flying monkeys play a crucial role in the narcissist’s manipulation tactics, but understanding their motivations can help you see through their behavior. Remember, you don’t need to defend yourself to people who are unwilling to see the truth. Focus on staying true to yourself, surrounding yourself with positive support, and protecting your mental and emotional well-being. Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, and understanding these dynamics is an important step toward reclaiming your peace.