Disappointment, we all experience it. Life’s disappointments have broken my heart more times than I can count. I wanted to move out at 18, go to college for social work, find the love of my life, start my career and have kids by my early twenties. But life had other plans for me. I am 25, chronically ill, pretty homebound, and pretty much living out of a bag going in between two houses. Have a broken family, nowhere near finding the love of my life or having kids. My relationships have been big disappointments filled with empty promises. Didn’t get that college or high school experience I always imagined. And even if tomorrow I wound up pregnant, I still would not be able to have kids in a normal way and be a normal mother because I am still sick.
Don’t mistake my disappointments for ungratefulness. There is so much to be grateful for in my life. I have clean water and a place to lay my head at night. I have a handful of good people and food. Yet still, life can stink sometimes. This is something that’s hard for me to be vulnerable about because growing up I would always hide behind my humor. Majority of my life I’d laugh when I wanted to yell and I’d yell when I wanted to cry. As time went on I learned healthy ways to handle it. So how do I handle life’s disappointments?
Don’t rob yourself of your emotions. Obviously, it’s unhealthy to feel constant sadness or anger and not pick yourself up. But when you’re sad don’t ignore it. Really sit and ask yourself ” How am I feeling? Why am I feeling like this?” Really be honest with yourself. Let yourself have some time to be sad. Grieve over what you had imagined things would turn out. Give yourself a period of time and just cry it out, vent, scream. Do what you need to do. It is okay to be sad or have negative emotions. You don’t always have to have it together. The less you let yourself feel these emotions the more you will suffer down the road.
These emotions don’t go away when you brush them off they will continue to come up until you do acknowledge them. Think of life as a path you’re traveling down and your negative emotions like a mountain. You can’t shrug the mountain off, you can’t push the mountain to the side. You have to go through the mountain to get to the other side. The only way I or anyone I have helped get to the other side was by feeling the negative emotions, the pain and then picking themselves and trying again.
Sometimes too high of expectations is what leads to disappointments. Are you maybe expecting too much? It’s pretty unrealistic of me to expect all of that in such a short time span. Especially because life is so unpredictable. We can’t always plan for the unexpected. Are you maybe expecting too much out of someone who has disappointed you? is it possible you are expecting too much at once? Are you being realistic towards yourself?
Are you someone who makes list? Really take a look at those lists and try writing less on them or easier tasks to do. That way at the end of the day when you’ve done everything you will go to bed feeling accomplished and not disappointed.If your expectations can’t be reached at the moment, aim for lower more realistic expectations. Set the bar a little lower. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Start to take steps and set goals for your more realistic expectations.
Is there a certain someone who keeps making promises but doesn’t keep them? A father, a significant other, a mother? Just know their intentions mean well but something causes them to not be able to live up to what they say. Really examine what place they hold in your life and if you need some time away to heal from all the despair. Consider that its time to expect less from this certain someone(s).
You could have really low expectations of this person but if they’re causing you a lot of grief, really see if they need less time in your life. It doesn’t have to be forever. Just until you heal from the disappointment and learn to accept they may not be able to live up to their “promises” or your expectations. This is really hard because sometimes the simplest expectations from others can seem too hard for them to live up to. That’s when you take time to grieve over them not being what you had hoped for. You can’t control them, you can only control yourself and how you let it affect you.
During those times of disappointment and feeling all around down, it’s important we have a good shoulder to cry on. We can’t do everything on our own. We need each other. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your loved ones. Let them know you’re struggling. If you feel the people around you aren’t good for you or support you, it’s time to reach out and find ones who will. Join a support group, join a church group. Join a therapy group. Just find all around good support.
This one can be especially hard when you just feel like life is raining on your parade. I can’t even begin to tell you how much of an effect it has by taking time from your day to think of all the things you can be grateful for. Even if you really have to dig in there and look for something. There is always something. Whether it be the fact that you can see, have a healthy heart, have a pet, can walk, have clean water. There is so much we take for granted and don’t realize. Really take time from your day and jot down a couple of things you are grateful for in your life. It could really change your mood.
Sometimes our disappointments come for seeing unrealistic expectations on social media. Everyone puts out what they want you to see. They act like they have the best career, with the best partner and the best life. They don’t show you that their boyfriend is cheating on them or that they use face tune. It’s really unhealthy to compare ourselves and expect ourselves to be this persona they put on their social media. The internet is the internet, it isn’t always real life.
If you notice you are really starting to feel down and sad you aren’t someone you see on the internet, that may mean it would be best to unfollow them for your own mental health. It’s okay when you feel motivated and inspired by someone by their life. But when you start to notice you are disappointed your life is not like theirs or you start to put them down out of jealousy, its time to unfollow. I have felt SO much better after I’d take breaks from social media or unfollowed people who made me feel down that I couldn’t live like them. Why torture yourself?
Yes, you read the title right. There’s nothing better than finding a way to laugh in life’s face. I know you’re probably like “what? Hell no this isn’t funny, it’s been terrible!” Some of my favorite jokes are the ones about how I can’t walk more than a couple of minutes. It’s funny because it’s true. Of course, it stinks and its something that can get me down but it’s my reality. Reality can be brutal and sometimes life’s brutality is so crazy it just helps to find the silver lining. What negative thing is happening in your life you can make a joke about?
Life can’t always be taken so seriously especially when life can be so cruel sometimes. Ever been late to work, can’t find your keys, you spill something on your outfit and there’s traffic all happening one after the other? You could be angry and upset all day or you could get to work and find humor in it and laugh it off. That applies to the bigger things too. Learn to find the funny. You don’t always have to, it just helps to try sometimes. But that’s after you acknowledge and allow yourself to feel your negative emotions of course ;p
I know that seems kind of confusing because I just said go through your emotions. Staying mad or sad or angry forever isn’t the healthiest choice for any of us. Eventually, after you acknowledge and feel it and get through the pain, it’s time to change how you see it. Being sick has taught me so many things I wouldn’t have learned if I wasn’t sick. I’ve gained so much knowledge and I’m so grateful for it.
Maybe you can’t change the fact that you’re a single mom, working two jobs busting your butt. You can at least see it as you love your kids and trying hard to give them a better life. They may not see it now but they’ll appreciate so much later down the line. Nothing lasts forever and you have to remember that.
If you can change it do something about it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude about it.
Instead of saying you “have to” try changing it to “I get to.” I get to go to work today. It changes it from feeling like a chore to feeling like a pleasure. Life feels better when it’s pleasurable!
If you’re sick and tired of being disappointed or feeling down use it as motivation! Really sit and feel and remember these feelings you are feeling right now.
You miserable at your job? Use that as motivation to continue to find better for yourself!
You want life to be better? Find little ways it can! Obviously again it would have to be realistic ways but none the less it’s possible! Are you in the worst state of your life? Imagine how you would like your life to be and use that hope and motivation to get to it! You may not be able to get to it now or five years from now but you can always work towards what you want in life. And one of the first ways is by changing your attitude and don’t give up on hope or what motivates you.
It’s important we take breaks from life’s craziness and do things for ourselves. It doesn’t matter if you are a mother of 8 or a single bachelor with a high maintenance job. You need you time. Without you time that’s when overwhelming negative emotions really come into play. Go out and enjoy a walk, do a puzzle, drink that glass of wine. It’s important to take care of you every once in a while. When we take time for ourselves, we feel recharged and better to take on our tasks. It especially helps when we feel just downright awful about life. How much better do you feel when you get time to do the things you love?
Last but not least acceptance. It’s important we accept that things aren’t the way we had hoped for. Right now in this moment, life or people in your life or whatever isn’t going how you expected. You feel mistreated or unfairness in your life. Whatever it is, it’s important to accept that this is your life. These are your misfortunes and no matter how much you don’t want it or want to fight acceptance, it’s still there. In front of you. And it doesn’t mean it will be like that forever. It doesn’t always mean you can’t do anything. It just means don’t pretend it’s not happening. The longer you pretend it’s not happening, the longer it’ll take to actually attempt to do something about it or make it a better situation.
Life can go from the best thing to the worst. It can be really tough! There’s no one size meets all when it comes to handling our negative emotions and disappointment. Find what works best for you! I hope some of these ways can help you like they’ve helped me.
Leave in the comments below some disappointments you’ve encountered or struggles and some things that help you during those times!
*Although I have studied and experienced these things myself I am no way a professional or have my social work license. All opinions in my posts are my own and you should go to your nearest therapist for a professional opinion and proper diagnosis. Do not use anything in these posts to diagnose yourself and others. Any advice taken is used at your own risk. My advice does not replace a psychologist or other healthcare professionals.
