We have things we want to accomplish and we get so excited about it but then we start and we immediately lose stamina or motivation. Why does this happen? Well, it’s because we focus a lot on the results and not on the journey.
When we don’t get instant results we oftentimes think we are a failure, there is no point in doing it, we feel we aren’t doing right or feel we can’t do it. The lack of instant results can mess with our self-esteem or make us feel worthless and then want to quit.
We may fantasize about the fantasy of what it could be and then when we actually have to take the steps and realize what it is, we get turned off. You may have high expectations and set unrealistic goals for yourself. Then when you don’t reach those goals you will put yourself down and you are setting yourself up for failure as you are not being realistic or celebrating the small victories.
There is an analogy I use with my clients to help them see this more clearly. So let’s talk babies. With babies, it’s our jobs as parents or adults to help them become civilized functioning human beings. That means teaching them to walk, talk, and use the bathroom. So let’s imagine you have this baby in front of you and they’re about to stand. Now imagine you start screaming at that child.
“Why are you not walking? You’re just standing?? That’s not good enough! What are you doing?”
What’s going to happen to that child? That child is then going to either become paralyzed and maybe won’t want to try again, or when they try they will immediately cry and they’ll feel bad about themselves or they’ll rely on you to always take care of them. So imagine now they are able to get themselves up and now they are starting to crawl. Imagine you again, start screaming at that baby.
“Why are you still not walking?? How are you able to get up and start crawling but you can’t walk? What’s wrong with you?! There must be something wrong. You’re a failure. You suck.”
Now at this point, some babies are going to give up and some babies may continue on but they still never feel enough, they still feel like they suck and they are miserable the entire time they reach that end goal.
Now imagine the babies that survive that verbal abuse, now start walking. It doesn’t mean that much. Yeah, it feels good for a moment. Like yeah, I achieved that. But they still feel terrible about themselves. They feel like failures and feel worthless and that’s exactly what you do to yourself. You are putting yourself down every step of the way rather than appreciating yourself/the things you have accomplished.
In reality, most of us what do we do when it comes to babies, is when they start to get up we shout in excitement!
“Yay!! you did it! I’m so proud of you!”
What do you do when they start to crawl?
“Yes! You got it! You keep on going.”
Those babies want to actually start to walk because they’re being encouraged. They’re happy! The other babies that are getting shit talked grow up to always feel like they’re not enough or it takes them a lot longer to be able to walk. They’re terrified or they feel worthless. Now you can apply that to yourself.
How do you talk to yourself when you are trying to achieve something? What does your self-talk sound like? If you’re the first example no wonder you’re only going to care about the results because you think that the results are the only thing that will make you happy. You think once you get to that result nothing else will matter but that’s not true because if you don’t appreciate now, you won’t feel happy later.
Visualize what the journey will look like: Do research to see what you have to do to get there. Imagine the steps you need to take to reach your end goal. Feel what it feels like, the sensations you feel in your body as you imagine what it would look like. Be transparent and honest with yourself. Visualize the steps it will take to start that business or get that beach body. This is to help you see realism and to take note if you need to lower your expectations so you can have realistic expectations.
Don’t multitask: Don’t do 500 things at once. When you multitask multiple things will suffer. Prioritize and focus on what is top priority. People can fail because the journey feels too difficult from feeling overwhelmed and giving themselves too many tasks. Break things down into small tasks and focus on things one by one.
Have patience: This is a big one a lot of people struggle with. They want what they want and they want it now. Don’t make your end goal everything or the only source of happiness or the thing that makes you feel better. Great work takes time. Have healthy boundaries and make sure you set time aside to do other things like taking care of yourself.
Set mini goals and celebrate them: This one is the most important. Just like with that baby you need to do that with yourself. For instance, if you are someone that has depression and you have a hard time doing self-care, set a mini goal to brush your teeth and then celebrate when you do it. You accomplished something that was tough for you. And then you can focus on the next mini goal and celebrate that. You will stay motivated and eventually all the mini goals will add up to you accomplishing a big goal. It doesn’t matter if other people accomplish those things, this was hard for you so you want to appreciate yourself and celebrate it.
When those negative thoughts come in remind yourself those are not your thoughts but a past bully. Then have you come in as your higher self with those positive motivating thoughts. Make it a fun experience or even a game for you. Have that little kid come out. Goals don’t have to be so serious, you can have fun with it. Achievement is a mindset.
What do you guys think? Leave it all in the comments below!
