Now, before we get into this, I want to make it clear that this isn’t an attack on religion itself. Having faith and holding onto something greater can be a beautiful and meaningful part of life. But when certain individuals misuse religion, it can become a weapon used to control and manipulate others. And that’s what we’re going to unpack today.
Religion, at its core, can foster love, community, and support. But in the hands of a narcissist, it becomes something entirely different. It’s important to remember that not every person of faith is a religious narcissist. The issue isn’t the religion itself—it’s how these individuals use their faith to dominate and control others.
Narcissists seek power and control, and religion often provides a cover for that. They hide behind their beliefs, using them as a tool to elevate themselves and push others down. Today, we’re going to explore the two main types of religious narcissists: the malignant and the covert.
Not every religious narcissist operates in the same way. The malignant religious narcissist is more overt—they are aggressive, outwardly abusive, and extremely domineering. They don’t hide their desire for power and control. They will openly condemn, punish, and shame others for not adhering to their interpretation of faith.
On the other hand, the covert religious narcissist is more subtle. They’re sneakier with their manipulation. On the surface, they may appear humble, kind, and even self-sacrificing—always doing things “in service to God.” But behind closed doors, they gossip, judge, and manipulate others, all while hiding behind the mask of their faith. Their digs are hidden, passive-aggressive, and they operate under the guise of righteousness.
No matter how different these two types are, they have one thing in common: a deep need for control. A religious narcissist will often try to dictate what you eat, what you wear, who you talk to, and how you live your life. They’ll claim that these demands come from religious teachings, interpreting sacred texts in a way that supports their control over you.
These individuals have rigid, black-and-white thinking. To them, you’re either with them or against them, right or wrong, going to heaven or hell. And they position themselves as the ultimate authority on what God wants. They will isolate you from others, ensuring they are the only voice you hear, making it easier for them to manipulate and control you.
Religious narcissists frequently mock and condemn others who hold different beliefs. Whether they do this to someone’s face or behind their back, the goal is the same—to make you feel that if you deviate from their interpretation of faith, you too will be ridiculed or abandoned. This leads to a deep-seated fear of thinking or believing differently from the narcissist.
A common trait among religious narcissists is the claim that they have a special connection to God—that God speaks through them. This makes them feel superior and untouchable. When they speak as if they are the voice of God, it becomes harder for others to question or challenge them. And if you do, they’ll tell you that you’re not just disagreeing with them—you’re disagreeing with God.
This tactic makes you feel special for being part of their “divine mission,” which makes it even harder to recognize their manipulation. But make no mistake, this claim of divine authority is just another way for them to maintain control.
Being in a relationship with a religious narcissist—whether it’s a romantic partner, a parent, or even a spiritual leader—can be deeply damaging. Over time, you may lose sight of your own beliefs, becoming afraid to think for yourself. You may fear that thinking or believing differently will lead to rejection, punishment, or even divine condemnation.
You could find yourself trapped in a cycle of fear—afraid that stepping outside the narcissist’s beliefs will lead to abandonment, ridicule, or punishment from God. This fear can stay with you long after you’ve physically left the narcissistic environment. Even when you logically know that you don’t agree with their interpretation of religion, you may still struggle with an emotional fear that something bad will happen if you embrace your own beliefs.
If you’ve been affected by a religious narcissist, it’s important to remember that their abuse isn’t a reflection of your faith or your relationship with God. You have the right to your own beliefs, and no one has the right to use religion as a tool to control or shame you.
Healing from this type of abuse takes time, but it’s possible. You deserve to live free from the fear of condemnation or punishment for thinking for yourself.
This conversation isn’t about attacking religion—it’s about bringing awareness to how narcissists can hide behind religion to control and manipulate others. It’s about recognizing the signs and learning how to protect yourself from those who use faith as a weapon.
