Growing up, we learn how to navigate relationships and understand our worth based on our early experiences, especially within our families and communities. Our interactions with family members, teachers, and peers shape our understanding of how we should be treated and how to treat others. If we don’t have positive examples during our formative years, we might struggle with valuing ourselves and end up in unhealthy or toxic relationships as adults.
In recent times, there’s been a lot of discussion about recognizing toxic behaviors, which is crucial. However, what’s often missing from the conversation is a clear understanding of what healthy relationships look like. Knowing how to identify unhealthy patterns is essential, but it’s equally important to recognize and cultivate positive, healthy behaviors in our relationships.
Our sense of self-worth and how we expect to be treated in relationships are often formed during childhood. The way our family, teachers, and peers treat us shapes our expectations of how others should treat us in adulthood. Unfortunately, if these early relationships were unhealthy or toxic, we may struggle to recognize our value and may attract toxic people or unhealthy relationships later in life.
While there’s a lot of information today about identifying toxic behavior, there’s less focus on recognizing what a healthy relationship looks like. Knowing how to identify when someone values you is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, whether they are friendships or romantic connections.
One of the most telling signs that someone values you is their willingness to give you undivided attention. In today’s world, where distractions are everywhere, especially with the constant presence of smartphones, this can be challenging. However, someone who truly values you will make an effort to put their phone aside and focus on you when you’re together.
This attention is shown through eye contact, active listening, and genuine curiosity about your life. They care about your likes, dislikes, and daily experiences. While giving undivided attention may seem like a basic courtesy, it’s a clear indication of respect and value in a relationship.
Listening is more than just hearing the words someone says; it’s about understanding and validating their feelings. A person who values you will take the time to really listen, without thinking about what they want to say next or trying to fix your problems immediately.
True listening involves acknowledging what the other person is saying, possibly by repeating back or paraphrasing their words to ensure clarity. It also involves empathy—trying to put yourself in their shoes and understand their perspective. While there should be a balance between listening and giving input, the focus should be on making the other person feel heard and valued.
Someone who truly values you will be honest with you, even if it means telling you something you might not want to hear. This doesn’t mean they are harsh or unsympathetic; rather, they care about your growth and well-being.
A person who values you won’t just agree with you to avoid conflict. They will respectfully point out when you might be making a mistake or heading in a harmful direction. They will do this out of care for you, aiming to help you avoid unnecessary pain or setbacks. This kind of honesty is a sign of a deep and meaningful connection.
Acceptance is key in any relationship. Someone who values you will accept you for who you are, without trying to change your core identity. This doesn’t mean they won’t hope for growth or improvement in certain areas—after all, we should all strive to grow and evolve. However, they won’t abandon or threaten you if you don’t change according to their expectations.
A person who values you will love and accept you as you are while supporting your growth in a positive and non-judgmental way.
Asking for advice is a clear sign that someone values your opinion. Even if they don’t always take your advice, they will consider it and acknowledge its worth. This shows that they respect your thoughts and see you as someone who can contribute positively to their life.
When someone consistently challenges your opinions or dismisses your advice, it can make you feel devalued. In contrast, when they actively seek your input and often take it into account, it reinforces your sense of being valued and respected in the relationship.
In healthy relationships, conflicts are inevitable, but how these conflicts are handled is crucial. Someone who values you will exercise self-control, especially during heated moments. They won’t intentionally try to hurt you or use your vulnerabilities against you.
Emotional regulation is a key aspect of self-control. A person who values you will take the time to calm down and reflect before addressing an issue. They care about how their actions and words affect you, and they strive to resolve conflicts in a way that strengthens, rather than damages, the relationship.
While it’s unrealistic to expect to be someone’s number one priority all the time (after all, we must prioritize our own well-being too), someone who values you will make sure you’re high on their list of priorities. They will consistently check in with you, reach out, and make time for you.
Being a priority doesn’t mean that other aspects of their life are ignored, but it does mean that they will not consistently put others or less important activities above you, especially when you need them most. This balance is essential for a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.
Recognizing when someone values you is fundamental to maintaining healthy relationships. Whether it’s through giving you undivided attention, listening to you, being honest, accepting you for who you are, valuing your opinions, exercising self-control, or making you a priority, these actions speak volumes about how much someone truly cares for you.
By understanding these signs, you can better assess your relationships and ensure that you are surrounded by people who genuinely appreciate and value you.
