There was a time when I felt angry at the world—angry because I couldn’t understand why people didn’t think or act like I did. “Why wouldn’t they do what I would do in this situation?” I’d wonder. To me, it seemed logical, even obvious. It wasn’t until I learned one of life’s most freeing lessons that I began to let go of this frustration:
You can’t expect others to be like you.
If you’ve struggled with feeling disappointed by others, find yourself expecting too much, or worry that your expectations might be too high, this blog is for you. Let’s unpack why we can’t hold others to the standards we hold for ourselves and how to release that burden.
Each person’s behavior is shaped by their upbringing, experiences, and values. These factors influence how they view the world and interact with others.
Everyone comes from different backgrounds, upbringings, and experiences. These shape how they see the world, what they value, and how they treat others.
Think about it: the way you approach life was shaped by countless factors—your family, your environment, your hardships, and your joys. That’s unique to you. It’s rare to meet someone who aligns with your exact way of thinking or mirrors your approach to life.
What this means is that everyone has their own set of expectations, wants, and ideas about what’s important. You might believe certain behaviors are “just the right thing to do,” but others may not share that belief. Their perceptions shape their reality just like yours do.
When we expect people to act or think like us, we set ourselves up for disappointment. And when that disappointment festers, it can lead to resentment, which strains our relationships and leaves us feeling isolated.
This is a tough but necessary truth: you can’t expect others to give to you what you give to them.
If you’re an over-giver, this can be especially hard to accept. Over-giving often stems from one of two things:
Regardless of where it comes from, over-giving isn’t a natural or sustainable way to live. Many people fall closer to the middle ground—they give when they want to or when they see a clear benefit. But if you’re wired to give out of guilt, fear, or obligation, it’s going to feel like others are constantly falling short of your expectations.
Here’s why: when you give, even if you don’t expect the exact same thing in return, you’re still expecting something. That “something” might be a thank-you, appreciation, or even a favor down the line. And when those expectations aren’t met, it stings.
This isn’t selfish; it’s human nature. We all have needs, and it’s okay to want acknowledgment. But when your giving comes from a place of needing validation, it can create an endless cycle of disappointment.
If you hold yourself to high standards, you likely hold others to high standards, too. And while striving for excellence can be a good thing, it can also leave you feeling like you’re never enough—and like no one else is, either.
For example, if a friend is going through a tough time, you might check in on them every day. But when you’re struggling, you might secretly expect them to do the same—and when they don’t, it feels like a betrayal.
Here’s the reality: not everyone is wired like you. Your ability to give endlessly or care deeply is a beautiful trait, but it’s not something everyone shares. In fact, empaths—people who experience extreme empathy—make up only 1–2% of the population.
The key is to recognize that your strengths are unique to you, and you can’t expect others to operate the same way.
This one’s a game-changer: don’t expect appreciation for things you do that others didn’t ask for.
Think about it. When someone does something for you without you asking, you might appreciate it—but it’s not the same as when you explicitly ask for something and they deliver. That’s because we’re wired to notice when our specific needs are met.
If you go out of your way to do something nice for someone and they don’t seem as grateful as you’d hoped, it’s not necessarily because they’re ungrateful. They may not have needed or wanted what you gave them.
This doesn’t mean you should stop being kind or thoughtful, but it does mean you should adjust your expectations. Give because you want to, not because you expect something in return.
Once you accept that people are different—and that’s okay—you’ll start to feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders. Here are a few tips to help:
Learning to let go of the expectation that others will think or act like you is one of the most freeing lessons you can embrace. It doesn’t mean you lower your standards or stop caring—it means you accept people for who they are and meet them where they’re at.
By doing this, you’ll find more peace in your relationships, less resentment, and a deeper sense of self-acceptance. After all, the only person you can control is yourself—and that’s a powerful thing.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever struggled with high expectations of others? Share your experiences in the comments below.
