Going no contact or low contact with a narcissistic parent is a profoundly different experience compared to cutting ties with friends, partners, or siblings. This decision involves grieving the loss of someone who was supposed to provide unconditional love, care, and support. The process can be excruciatingly painful because it entails accepting that you won’t have the ideal parent-child relationship you hoped for. This blog post delves into what to expect and how to heal when you decide to limit or sever contact with a narcissistic parent.
Separation anxiety often originates in childhood due to traumatic events such as parental divorce, the death of a loved one, or having a parent who struggles with addiction. Children in these situations may develop an intense fear of being separated from an attachment figure. This anxiety is rooted in insecurity and fear of loss. While many assume children grow out of it, unresolved separation anxiety can follow them into adulthood.
Adults with separation anxiety often feel ashamed of their feelings. They might be embarrassed by their strong attachment to someone and their fear of being apart from them. This can lead to suppressing their anxiety or appearing overly needy and controlling. Whether it’s a partner, parent, child, or even a pet, the anxiety becomes pronounced when separated from their attachment figure. They may experience generalized anxiety and have a hard time functioning until the person returns.
There is also a constant fear that something bad will happen to their loved ones when they are not around. This can manifest in obsessive thoughts about accidents or harm coming to the attachment figure. Additionally, individuals may feel unsafe without their attachment figure and might experience health anxiety or panic attacks when separated. Being in public or away from home without their attachment figure can provoke intense fear and anxiety about potential dangers.
The thought of being alone at home can be terrifying. Individuals might experience anxiety attacks and be unable to relax. The constant stress and anxiety about their attachment figure can make it difficult to focus on other relationships or work responsibilities. They may have trouble sleeping without their attachment figure nearby, fearing something bad will happen during the night. Frequent nightmares about being separated from their attachment figure can disrupt sleep and contribute to anxiety. Simply imagining being separated from their attachment figure can cause physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, and panic attacks.
No Contact: This means completely cutting off communication with the narcissistic parent. There is no interaction, which helps to stop the cycle of abuse but does not automatically lead to healing the emotional wounds.
Low Contact: This involves maintaining minimal contact, such as during holidays or occasional check-ins. Conversations are kept shallow, and personal details are not shared. This can be a compromise for those who find complete separation too difficult.
People might guilt and shame you for cutting off contact, projecting their insecurities or misunderstanding your situation. It’s important not to give in to this pressure. Focus on the progress you’ve made and maintain your boundaries. You might also change your mind and feel the urge to reach out, especially in moments of crisis or due to a trauma bond. If this happens, remember why you set the boundaries and consider the potential consequences of resuming contact.
Healing from a narcissistic parent requires consistent effort and support. If you struggle with adult separation anxiety, know that you are not alone. By taking proactive steps and seeking support, you can overcome this anxiety and lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.
