Understanding Psychological Projection And How To Deal With It

Projection is unconscious meaning most people don’t realize they’re doing it. It is actually a defense mechanism where a person takes their unwanted traits or their uncomfortable emotions they do not want to deal with and they then attribute it to somebody else. So things like shame, guilt, denial, insecurities, things they don’t like about themselves, or failure. All those things are feelings they could not process and get through so then they try to keep it at bay, away from them.

What Is Projection?

It is a conflict with conscious beliefs and unconscious feelings so in order to get rid of that conflict they give it to somebody else. Projection causes us to avoid identifying issues, taking ownership of issues, and dealing with the issue.

As a child, most of us did not learn how to deal with our uncomfortable feelings. So if you are not really taught how to deal with your emotions, since most likely your parents did not know how to deal with their negative emotions, you are going to do anything you can to not feel uncomfortable/deal with the negative feeling. It is interesting because a lot of people do not want to deal with neg emotions. they want to avoid it, distract or not feel it. We need to deal with these negative emotions in order to feel those good feelings.

People always want that immediate positive feeling and to feel those happy good feelings. But we can not experience those good things without going through those negative things and climbing up the mountain to reach the beautiful view. So we need to learn how to deal with these emotions to go through them and accept what is going on and knowing that it is okay, it is just a feeling.

Who Projects?

Since we were never really taught, someone that struggles with a sense of self or does not know how to deal with their discomfort/emotions will then project. They did not learn how to acknowledge or nurture through or accept that negative emotion or negative thing about themselves. They don’t see that it is okay to have these emotions, they would rather get rid of them, avoid it, and not deal with it.

But we as humans can not suppress things, they eventually come out in some sort of way. That is why projectors exist. If not projection then it would come out as anxiety, depression. People who project use it as a way to get out their repressed negative emotions and feelings. They feel better seeing negative traits in others rather than feeling or dealing with them, themselves. It is too hard to take that accountability.

The people who project the most are people that have little self-awareness. That is people like narcissists, manipulators, toxic people. This is because they have little self-awareness. They may struggle with self-reflection and they do not have the knowledge of how to deal with these emotions. It always somehow is somebody else’s fault. In reality, it is just them telling on themselves. For instance, a cheating partner will accuse their partner of cheating.

Or you tell someone something positive you are doing like opening a business. If that person then is trying to talk you out of it, that can be a sign of potential projection because that is their way of dealing with their own insecurities or own shame, guilt, fear of maybe their own failure.

When Do People Project?

People will project at anytime, anything can trigger it. Whether that is anger, a certain thing going on, or fears/insecurities. It really depends on what is going on. If you talk about something that makes them fearful they may talk you out of it because of their own fears. Or if you trigger an insecurity to come out they may get defensive. There is some sort of trigger that causes the person to project. Usually, it is a negative feeling they need to get rid of. And you are usually the person they project it on but they’re not aware of their feelings.

What Happens When You Become A Victim To Projection

So if you are someone that does not have a strong sense of self, self-love or little trust for yourself you will get caught up in this person projecting. This is because you will get defensive as you feel you’re being attacked. You will then react off of ego, defend yourself.

They’re saying all these hurtful things so of course, you are going to want to defend yourself and your character. You wind up taking it personally but in reality, it has nothing to do with you. You’ll notice yourself getting caught up in that whole situation.

It can also make you feel gaslit as it causes you to question your reality. If they are projecting a lot on to you, you then start to ask yourself if you are that thing or doing that thing. So when you don’t have a strong sense of self you get caught up in the emotions and get trapped.

How To Spot Projection

If someone is saying things to you that do not feel right, don’t match with how you are feeling, or someone is accusing you of things that is a huge sign. You want to recognize when something doesn’t feel right and take a step back. Or when you are starting to get defensive, or feeling all those feelings. And you want to see if that description actually matches them. Are all those things they’re saying do they really match more of them than it matches you?

You especially want to pay attention to the person that is saying those things. Is it a narcissistic type of person? Is it a person you notice that has a lot of red flags? Are they a valuable source? if not you might not want to take what they’re saying into consideration. Also, something you want to ask is, do your trusted friends or family say these things? Or anyone you know says these things to you? If they have not then you know that is potential projection and this person is not as credible.

How To Deal With Projection

Projection can be difficult to deal with in the moment but it is easier with these steps

Recognize it

This is the very first step. You need to pay attention if it matches how you are feeling. Does it not make sense? Do they fit the description more? Are you feel all riled up like you need to defend yourself or are confused? Ask yourself questions the minute you notice you are getting a negative sensation in your body.

Remain In Control Of Your Emotions

You need to learn how to master your emotions. And there is no better time than now! You can not control what emotion pops up or the feelings that come up. But the thing you can control is the way you react to that emotion. You are responsible for your own feelings and your own reactions.

You want to make sure you do not immediately react with ego when you get those feelings of defensiveness or you are being attacked or feeling an urge to prove yourself. Instead, Pause for a minute. Take a deep breath and understand when you’re doing those things or reacting off of their projection, they are then putting you on their level. You are taking that negative energy in and now you are now in this same negative place that they’re in. You do not want to take in their negative energy.

Maintain your own emotions so you do not get dragged into it. This can be extremely hard as they’re saying really hurtful things, assassinating your character. So, of course, your ego will pop up like wait a minute this is not me, I have to defend and prove I am not this person! But you need to take a step back and know that this is something to do with them and it has nothing to do with you.

Communicate

Once you take a step back, then you can speak to them. Let them know that you don’t think this has to do with you but rather to do with them. They may still not realize it or maybe they will. It does not matter either way because you need to protect yourself and make sure that you don’t take their feelings in. You want to make sure you don’t think it is you or you are the problem.

Walk away And Speak Later

If this person is being disrespectful because people who are lack self-awareness have major egos and can not take constructive criticism. So they may deflect or start to attack you. If they are getting out of hand and disrespectful you let them know that you do not want to have this conversation as you do not like the way they are speaking to you. And that you are ready to have a conversation to speak to you in a respectful manner and like an adult. Just know you always have the option to walk away if you do not like the way someone is treating you.

Let them know you are very open to a conversation but it needs to be a respectful conversation that you both are coming to some sort of solution rather than it being low blows. Or getting you guys into a negative heated argument where it is not going anywhere. Even if you have an adult conversation with them, just know some people are not able to go there. They do not want to self improve or deal with their emotions or take accountability. That is fine and on them.

But you, you are someone that wants to grow and improve. Make sure you have that strong sense of self, you trust yourself, you listen to yourself and you love yourself enough to know you do not deserve to deal with those things. You have your boundaries. And last, understand it has NOTHING to do with you! it is their own personal problem. You can get a sense of relief knowing that isn’t you.

What do you guys think? How do you handle projection? Leave it all in the comments below!