Why You Aren’t Getting Anything You Want In Life

I have been going through a really tough time in my life recently. One of the biggest struggles I have been dealing with is being sick and tired of feeling like I can’t get what I want. I have had almost everything in my life taken from me. My freedom, my health, my hopes and dreams, my stability, my security, a stable family and place to live, my feeling of safety etc. I have to work twice as hard as everyone else to live life because of my health issues.

Life just isn’t fair sometimes. It sucks when you see everyone else going after simple things you want, them getting it and you for some reason aren’t. That’s the hardest part. It makes you wonder why not me? What is going on?

I always felt like life just liked to crap on me. But it wasn’t entirely because of life and bad things just happening to me. Part of it was because through out my life I became terrified of good things happening. And another part was because I spent more time focusing on others and helping them when I should have had a better balance and focused on myself as well. The main cause? I never thought I deserved anything good to happen to me.

And because I didn’t think I deserved anything good to happen, I didn’t make good choices for myself to help myself. I didn’t focus on ways to better my life. I didn’t go out and get help when I needed it. There are things I could have done to help myself in these unfortunate situations that I didn’t do because I didn’t think I deserved it or didn’t think I was worth it. I only deserve bad things to happen to me. I gave everything away of myself until I had nothing left.

These types of feelings leaves one hopeless and feeling out of control and empty and even depressed. You become a powerless victim when you feel like life is just giving you a bad hand.

Why Do Some Struggle With This While Others Don’t?

It usually starts off with something happening while you are young. A traumatic experience whether its health related, abuse, lack of healthy parenting, homelessness, mistreatment etc. It can be something small but just something bad usually happens that affects you in a negative way. To make sense of it all as a young mind, you blame yourself. You don’t have that logic or reasoning as a child so you automatically feel its you and you caused this or you deserve the bad things happening. That seed is planted in your young mind and it starts the thought of “I deserve nothing good.”

So every time something bad happens to you from that moment on you feel you deserve it and life is screwing you over once again. Once that undeserving of nothing good thought is there, a lot of decisions you make will be based on you feeling undeserving. You won’t think you are deserving of time, help or support.

Maybe you self sabotage, push away others, and/or do things only for others and not yourself. You just give and don’t take enough as you should. Feeling undeserving of things can make you feel like you have to give away yourself, your time,and your things more than what’s healthy.

The fear of something good happening may take over because good things happening is foreign to you. You are used to bad happening and you maybe look for it out of comfort and normalcy. Bad things happening is safe. If good things are possible of happening there is that fear of hopes being brought up or that potential happiness going away. So to protect ourselves we’ll continue our unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Lets take a look through your life. Think of all the bad things that happened to you. Did you ask or get the right help when you needed it? Did you walk away from bad situations? Could you have done things to help your situations? Did you only focus on others and not enough on yourself? All those choices go back to that childhood thought of “I don’t deserve good things.”

We Get What We Think We Deserve

It’s easy to hate other people or blame them because they are getting what you or they want. It’s easy to get angry at companies or people for mistreating us because things aren’t the way we want. But at the end of the day we are the ones tolerating it. We are the ones who don’t do something about it when we can. It’s us that struggle with feeling undeserving. We get what we think we deserve.

Don’t mistake that with thinking you feeling undeserving is your fault because it’s not. It’s a subconscious thought in our minds that is not just fixed with positive thinking. Consciously you may tell yourself “I deserve good things.” But there’s a huge difference between what you tell yourself and what you believe.

Our subconscious holds a lot of our feelings and thoughts that we don’t consciously think about. It influences our actions and feelings so basically we may consciously think one thing but subconsciously we believe and feel something else. Telling yourself something doesn’t just work. You have to genuinely believe it.

Don’t just tell yourself things. Believe it. Believe you are worth good things, believe good things can happen to you. I know it’s hard because not only are you used to it and you watch your back for it but it’s scary! It is terrifying to be vulnerable and allow good things to happen. It has to start somewhere. Look for ways you can make changes in your life. Stop giving away so much of yourself, stop not getting help when you need it and make your rough situations better. Because you are deserving.

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What do you guys think? Is this something you struggle with? Have something to share? Leave it in the comments below!