So you go on a couple of dates with this cute person you met and they are what you think is the perfect man/woman. They are charming, attractive, funny, and nice. There are only one or two things that seem kind of off like they won’t let you talk to the opposite sex or they tell you, you are stupid a lot but you can get past it, right? NO, you should not ignore anything that seems off. This is only the beginning of the relationship can you imagine what else may happen when you get more into it?
When we find a person, we become infatuated with them and as time goes on infatuation turns into love for most relationships. Every little thing they do seems so sweet and amazing and because of this infatuation we miss some major signs, we would probably notice if it was happening to a friend or someone else. By the time we pay attention or take notice, it’s when we’ve already gotten hurt or the relationship ended. That is why it’s important to take notice in the beginning before it turns into something serious.
A little jealousy makes us feel like they care about us and that’s harmless. It becomes a problem when they will get angry with us for even talking to the opposite (or same depending on what you prefer) sex. No partner should feel that threatened when you talk to others. It gets a little tricky when there’s jealousy because of past betrayal with a certain person but it should never be over talking to everyone you talk to. That shows immense insecurity on their part or even signs that they are a secret cheater and projecting their feelings onto you.
There’s nothing wrong with having a relationship where you guys tease each other or occasionally in a joking manner call each other names. Every relationship is different and each couple is open to different things. It’s not okay if your partner calls you names like disgusting, ugly, moron etc. If you feel like you are constantly being criticized or if you feel like they disapprove of everything you do, don’t brush it off or ignore it. Even if it’s subtle or they try to make you feel stupid or tell you, you are being too sensitive that is a put-down. You are justified in feeling that way, don’t let someone tell you how to feel. If you feel bad about yourself being in the relationship, don’t ignore your feelings.
Some relationships move quickly and it’s successful but a majority of relationships when they start off fast, it usually ends fast too. What happens is, you guys are in that fantasy mindset and fantasizing all these things and when the fantasy doesn’t become a reality it will quickly end. Usually, people that want to move fast have anxiety, maybe just want to get what they want and leave, don’t know what a healthy relationship is or have unhealthy boundaries or are even a love/sex addict. You can test this by asking to slow things down and take it slow. In a healthy partner, they will be open to taking it slow, in a toxic one they may pull back or even keep trying to push it.
You are told what to eat, what to wear, how to spend your money, who you can and can’t be around. If you don’t abide by what they say there will be consequences like fighting or dealing with their anger. So you’ll do what they say to keep the peace. It may be confused with caring or they will try to make it seem like they are caring. You’ll hear things like “I’m doing/saying this because I care and love you.”This is not caring whatsoever but controlling and abusive. You will start to feel like you have lost your own views, opinions, and mindset. They are controlling to mold you into who they want rather than you getting to be your own person. They may even isolate you from your friends or family so they can’t question what’s going on and they have fuller control.
Are they all over you when you say no? Do they respect your boundaries? Do they go into violent rages? How do they respond to you when you don’t give them what they want? Someone who is overly angry could potentially become violent in the future. Everything about them is very aggressive like how they talk to you, how much time they want to spend with you, the way they touch you. Everything is pushy. They may even be very protective over you, overly protective that it’s alamring. Watch out for these signs of aggression.
Do they hide your phone when you are around? Do you feel like they never tell the full truth or you see yourself questioning them a lot? Are they lying to be malicious and calculating? These are things you have to ask yourself. You don’t want a partner that will hide things from you. A secretive past, a secretive drug problem, any type of secrets is a major problem. You can’t have a relationship with someone that’s not built on trust. If they aren’t honest with you, they are not honest with themselves. It’s hard being with someone that lacks the ability to hold themselves accountable for things.
Hitting and any acts of violence is NEVER okay. There’s never a justification for why someone is touching you in that manner. Physical abuse isn’t the only thing that can be toxic. Emotional abuse can be subtle and unrecognized. You can check out what emotional abuse is here. They will manipulate you to do what they want.
You will feel like you are on a roller coaster where one minute they may be arguing with you and the next they will act as if nothing happened. You will feel as if you have to walk on eggshells around them because you never know what will set them off. Guilt is a constant tool they use and you may feel a lot of guilt and shame and as if everything is your fault. You may even feel like you are crazy and losing your mind because they will make you question your sanity by gaslighting you.
It doesn’t matter if they are nice to you and are disrespectful and rude to their parents. How they talk to their parents will tell you a lot about how they were raised and how they treat others. There are circumstances where your partner may have a bad relationship with their parents because the parents were abusive and that’s different. But if you notice your partner is always the one being disrespectful, they may also treat everyone else badly. This shows a lack of respect for others, bad manners and you don’t want to be around someone that could treat you that way in the future.
Our trusted family and friends can spot things that we may not. They see things from an outside perspective that you don’t. I’m sure when your loved ones are in toxic relationships you’ll be the first one to see before your loved one. The last thing we want to hear is for our friends/family to disapprove of our new love in our life but hear them out. They are trying to spare you future potential destruction.
Your love may make you pay for a majority of things, maybe doesn’t work, doesn’t have their own stuff, is constantly taking from you and you are just constantly giving and giving. In the bedroom, you are giving and never receiving. When you need a shoulder to cry on they aren’t there but they are there the minute they need something from you. Your relationship revolves around their schedule.
Watch the way your partner treats their ex or talks about their ex. That will tell you a lot about how you will be treated if things go sour in your relationship or if it ends. If they talk disrespectfully about their ex, that will most likely happen to you too. You may not be able to see it now and you’ll think “no, there’s no way that will happen to me!” That’s what their ex thought too. It also shows undealt with pain or feelings for them. That goes along with not trusting a person that leaves their guy/girl for you, there’s a high chance they’ll do the same to you.
There’s a huge difference between hearing someone and listening. You can physically hear what someone is saying but that doesn’t mean you are listening. Listening is giving ones attention and acknowledging what they are saying. When you bring something up that bothers you they don’t care. They don’t take anything you have to say into consideration. They don’t care to listen to the things you say or what you want. Growing together or communicating and hearing each other out isn’t important to them. They talk and you need to be the one that listens.
When we really like someone we’ll ignore red flags or justify all their bad behaviors because we just want to be with them. We may even feel like we can fix them or it’ll get better with time. Some things can be communicated and worked on. Other things are a red flag that you need to get the hell out of there. If your partner is willing to listen to your concerns and work on them then that’s fantastic. If not then you aren’t deserving of that pain and torment. There are plenty of other people out there that can show you the love and care you need. Red flags are not the same as flaws. Red flags are things that show us there is a potential danger in the future. So next time you notice something off, don’t hesitate to really consider if the relationship is worth it.
Let us know what you think! What are some red flags that you feel should not be ignored? Do you have any experiences you want to share? Leave it in the comments below!
