The way we learn to communicate is taught by our upbringing. Most people are taught unhealthy communication styles and have a hard time communicating. No one is a perfect communicator! If you were brought up in an unhealthy home then you most likely grew up with a lot of yelling, name-calling or not talking about the topics you wanted to discuss but rather talk off-topic or take digs at each other. You were taught that what you say doesn’t matter and your needs don’t matter.
Because of all this communication can be deemed as scary or something you try to avoid as an adult. You may feel like your wants and needs don’t matter, you may be fearful of being straightforward with others or you are a people please because you were not taught how to communicate in a healthy way. You can come off as passive and then aggressive because you hold it in until you explode.
Communicating or arguing does not have to be scary or a negative experience. That is why today’s video is on how to communicate in a healthy way and avoid communication breakdown.
Because you may have grown up in an unhealthy home, you will need to heal your inner child that is afraid to communicate. We want to view communication as good and healthy and as an empowering thing rather than feeling helpless. Remind yourself you are not in that environment anymore, you are a stronger adult now that can make your own decisions.
It is important to use good language about communication and remind yourself communication is good because it helps you get your wants and needs met as well as have healthy relationships which is your ultimate goal! Say reparenting things to yourself to nurture and care for that inner child that may be scared to speak up.
The first thing you need to do is to make sure things do not build and build until you explode. You want to address your feelings and address the situation when it is bothering you and on your mind. That means don’t dismiss your feelings or saying it will pass. Make sure you acknowledge your feelings and talk about them with that person.
Sometimes you may be upset and you are not entirely sure why you just know you are upset or angry at something/someone. If you notice yourself reacting off of that anger or the person you are talking to is starting to react off of anger pause and ask yourself how you are feeling? Pause and take a minute for you both to address your feelings and decide what is going on. It helps to journal about your feelings and get to the root of what is making you upset so you can address it.
It is easier to text then it is to communicate things on the phone or face to face. But with texting things can be misconstrued since you can’t hear the tone of what someone is saying or understand the meaning of why they are saying that. The uncertainty leaves us room to assume and react off of that and it becomes a misunderstanding. So try to save important topics for face to face or phone calls.
Body Language is a subconscious language that we don’t consciously read but our subconscious does. If one person is laying down and the other one is sitting up, it can cause the one laying down to feel passive or like they’re being scolded. So it is important to be on the same playing field.
Also, it is important to have open arms and to have your body facing rather than away. If your arms are crossed it is showing you are closed off or if you are facing away it is showing that you are not in the conversation. Pay closer attention to what body language you are using in conversations.
Make confronting a positive experience rather than a negative one. Encourage and empower yourself rather than seeing it as a fight or something bad. I talk more about healthy arguing in here as well as in the video.
Something else that can make it a positive experience is if you say something positive first about them or things they have done and then you let them know your issue or what has upset you and making sure that you are talking about your feelings and saying “I” statements. This will make them feel more open to what you are saying as well as a way you can make it a more positive experience.
It can be easy to get distracted and start talking about details or things that don’t really matter. That is why it is important you make sure you guys try to stay on topic and talk about the issue at hand.
What is your end goal or what is it that you want to happen when talking to this person? Is it that you want acknowledgment/understanding? Are you wanting things to change? What is it that you want? When you determine your intentions/objective before going into the conversation, it will help you to stay on topic and help you guide it towards what you want.
It is important to be straight forward and be honest. It is easy for us to say “well I did leave them a hint.” No that is not helpful because we don’t always read things the same. We need to be honest and straightforward about what it is that we are trying to communicate, not go around the bush. And it is not that you have to be mean. It is that you want to be understood and heard and get to the point.
When communicating we all want to be acknowledged and heard. That is why it is important for you both to work on acknowledging what they said. Things that can help with that is saying “What i heard was…” and then repeating back to them what it is you heard. It also helps with calryfying any misunderstanding and mkaing sure you heard them right.
Another thing is to listen. Listening is different than hearing them. Listening means you are taking in what they’re saying and giving them understanding.
What do you guys think? Leave it in the comments below!
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[…] as a lot of us didn’t see healthy relationships growing up. Maybe we did not see what healthy communication looks like, what love is, or what it feels like to be in a loving relationship. It is not something […]