It happened again. You knew it would have been better if you didn’t go to the dinner event but you ignored those feelings and went anyway. Why did you ignore yourself? Because you regularly don’t trust yourself enough to make healthy beneficial decisions for yourself.
When we first come into the world we don’t usually come crawling out with trust issues. This is something that is taught. It usually starts with what you hear and see as a child. From outright being told not to trust yourself to little subconscious ques like “Let me help you, you don’t do it right.” Or things like ” Why did you do that? That wasn’t a smart thing to do.” Hearing things like that especially over and over, builds it up in our mind not to trust ourselves and what is right for us. We are then taught to trust the ones who abuse us which are usually our caretakers or parents rather than ourselves. We feel inadequate.
That is usually the major seed that starts the lack of trust for ourselves. The lack of trust for ourselves then moves over to adulthood to when we make decisions and we feel nervous to make them without others approval or we have made wrong decisions in the past. We can become really nervous from past mistakes because they were looked at as extreme failures. It reinforces those feelings that we were taught as a kid.
This then turns into “well if I can’t trust myself who can I trust?” Which again leaves us vulnerable and open to the wrong people that make us feel false trust and the people who take advantage. This is where narcissists and toxic people come into our lives and abuse us leaving us feeling weaker than before. So how do we conquer this? How do we gain the trust back?
One of the first ways to build trust in yourself is by understanding and feeling confident in who you are. This means being self-aware of your strengths/the good about you as well as your flaws. What are the things that you like? What about things you dislike? Can you name some character traits you possess? What are some of your views or beliefs? Do you know what you want in your life?
If you are struggling with this, don’t worry! I got you! You can read how to find yourself on my post here. One reason we don’t know ourselves is because we may notice ourselves changing based on the people we are around to please them or because we are unsure how to act. We want to avoid past trauma like maybe we were not liked, we were told we were not good enough or from fear of being alone. So constantly changing who you are can make it confusing about who you actually are.
Working on this and becoming confident and feeling good in who you are will help you be able to trust yourselves and your instincts again. Because you feel sure and you don’t question yourself.
You ever get a feeling, maybe in the pit of your stomach that something just is not right? You notice somethings off aka those red flags that you did not know were red flags at the time. So you get that feeling but then you dismiss it. You tell yourself it is not a big deal, you are being ridiculous, it will get better, you can work with it, etc. Just any excuse to ignore those alarms your instincts are trying to tell you!
This is what you do not want to do anymore. No more dismissing those feelings! No more self-doubt. Your feelings are valid, you are right in feeling like something is off. Be aware when these feelings are coming up and acknowledge them. If you feel like you shouldn’t trust anyone then don’t. If you feel that someone makes you feel bad or is mistreating you, listen and stay away. When you build your confidence in listening to your feelings/instincts that trust will naturally come with it.
This is probably the biggest one that is going to take the most effort but also the most important. What we tell ourselves determines a lot of things in our life. It determines our decisions in life, our choices, what we are worth, who we want to be around, and even what can happen/manifest.
If you are saying awful things to yourself no wonder you don’t trust yourself! Why would you trust that guy you call your thoughts, it’s mean. Learn to re-mother and re-nurture yourself again. Pay attention to what you are saying and then stop it. You can learn more about fighting negative thoughts here as well as self love here.
If there are people in your life that come to mind right now as you are reading this, then it is time to set boundaries or let them loose. When we are working on ourselves, building our self-esteem or trust whatever it is, it is really important during that time to stay away from the people that hinder our progress.
So if there is someone that reinforces you to not trust yourself, makes you feel bad or tries to manipulate you stay away from them! You are in a fragile state and need uplifting support/encouragement.
Don’t let outside not important opinions affect you and your choices. Everyone is always going to have something to say but you get to choose which ones you let in. The only opinions that truly matter are the ones of your trusted loved ones and family. And if they are people worthy of being in your life then they will help you with this.
How do you build trust in a relationship? It is usually by spending time with them and sharing things. That is exactly what needs to happen when it comes to a relationship with yourself! Maybe less sharing and more quality time when it comes to yourself.
Spending alone time gives you that time to self reflect, evaluate how you feel and give you some breath of fresh air from all responsibilities! So it is important to spend at least 15 minutes by yourself doing something that makes you feel good and recharged! Whether that is reading, meditating, taking a bath, going for a walk, whatever! That 15 minutes every day is important for building that relationship and trust back up with yourself! Taking care of yourself means you feel worthy of good things and you feel good in knowing your needs.
I can’t recommend journaling enough! I always tell my clients’ journaling is a cheap form of therapy. Journaling helps you express your emotions freely without worrying about judgment. And usually, as we are writting we come up with realizations or solutions to our issues/questions. When a lot is going on inside our head or we get stuck in our head, it is hard to recognize things or reveal the answers we have been wanting.
But as we write it and get it out of our head we can see things much clearer. Journaling can help you recognize things like what you want as well as make you see things in front of you that you may have been trying to avoid. A person with self-trust means they are able to be vulnerable with themselves.
It also helps in the sense where you can jot down and recognize your thoughts when you are struggling to trust yourself. You may start to see a pattern or notice certain triggers or things in your life that’s causing your lack of trust for yourself.
When you put up boundaries or you say no to something, make sure to stand your ground. Be stern in your decisions. If you are going to do something, then do it. Trusting yourself means trusting what you want and set up for yourself. That means not letting people push you around or disrespect you or make you do things you don’t want to do.
So if you say something mean it. Don’t just say something and go back on your word. That continues to instill a lack of trust for yourself as well as letting others know you are easy to manipulate. Be confident in what you are saying.
At the end of the day, you go to bed with yourself, you are stuck with yourself for the rest of your time here, so you might as well build a healthy trusting relationship with yourself, right?
What do you guys think? Do you struggle with trusting yourself? Do you have any more tips to share? Leave it all in the comments below!
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