Confidence, we all have struggled with it here and there. Some struggle more than others, we can’t be confident in everything we do. You may be confident in one subject and really insecure in the next. Or maybe you just all around feel really insecure and unconfident in life. And that’s okay! Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s a problem that not only you go through! We have all been there. Gaining confidence is a process, it doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes hard work, dedication and time to get to where you want to be. There’s the mental aspect of confidence, the physical aspect of confidence and then the action aspect of confidence. All three of these together really help mold your confidence.

The Mental Part Of Confidence: What Are We Telling Ourselves?

Figure Out What’s Making You Feel Unconfident

Is someone telling you, you aren’t good enough? Are you the one whos telling yourself not nice things? Do you have unrealistic unachievable goals for yourself? Is your past bullying or abuse haunting you? If certain people are making you feel bad in your life now, really consider distancing yourself from them. Only surround yourself with people that make you feel good and are wanting to help you, especially now. What is going on? Why do you think you are unconfident?

Fight Back At That Negative Voice In Your Head

Usually, when you feel unconfident it’s because you have that negative voice in your head telling yourself you suck. It says you can never do this or be that person or have what you want. Fight back! It’s easier said then done but work at it everytime a negative self-deprecating thought pops in your head. Change can’ts to cans and won’ts to Will do’s. Remember, you are good enough. You can talk to that girl/guy and get their number. You will succeed.

Get Out Of Your Head

On top of fighting the negative thoughts, it’s important not to continually feed them and just stay in your head. When you notice you are just getting stuck in your head and in a snowball of pessimistic thinking, stop and focus on something else, focus on the now. Remember a huge part of confidence is the mental aspect and what you tell yourself or don’t tell yourself.

Recognize What You’re Good At

This is really hard when you feel insecure and like you may not be good at anything. Everyone is good at something! Everyone has passions or things they enjoy. What do you enjoy and will put hard work into? What is something realistic and achievable for yourself that you can go after? I know some of you will try to say there’s nothing but there is something! Have someone you trust help you figure it out if you are having a hard time.

Positive Affirmations

Next to recognizing what you are good at, you need to tell yourself the good about you and who you want to be. What’s good about you? What makes you, you? This is hard when you don’t feel good about yourself but someone you trust to come up with some things. What are some compliments people have given you in the past? Every day when you wake up, remind yourself of those good things about you. You are kind, you are loyal etc.

Fake It Till You Make It

If you tell yourself something long enough you’ll eventually start to believe it. It doesn’t matter if at that moment it feels like a lie. It can become a truth if you keep believing it. On top of the positive affirmations, say out loud the things you aspire to be. I am confident, I am brave. Setting your mindset up to tell yourself you are those things, will help you become them.

The Physical Part Of Confidence: How Do We Present Ourselves?

Take Care Of Your Hygiene

Hygiene is really important because when you look good, you feel good. Work on brushing your teeth more and showering regularly. Are your nails cut? Do you get haircuts or do something about your hair regularly? Do you put deodorant on or maybe a little makeup?  Looking and smelling good makes other people notice which gives you a confidence boost. It sounds vain and superficial but it’s not just about that. If you feel bad in the insides, its noticeable on the outside.

Dress The Part

How do you imagine a confident person dresses? Do they dress in baggy smelly oversized clothes with Cheetos stains all over? Or do you think they dress sharp and in a flattering manner to their body type? Like I said earlier, when you look good you feel good and other people will take notice in that. Dress in a way that makes you feel good and says “I’m here to succeed!”

Body Language

We as humans don’t just talk through our words. We also subconsciously read peoples body language too. It’s important to look confident not only speak with confidence. You can do that through eye contact, body posture and by smiling.

• Eye contact- When you are unconfident, you look around the room or at your feet because you feel uncomfortable or maybe you don’t want to be noticed, it helps you hide. Eye contact shows you are assertive, focused and paying attention. So when talking to someone try making eye contact.
• Stand/sit upright- Honestly, a lot of people have a hard time with posture so don’t feel so bad about yours especially when you are unconfident. Now that you are aware take notice of your posture. Do you slouch and have your head down? It can be fixed! Raise your head up high and stand tall. Confidence really shines when you are standing tall. It also tricks your brain into thinking you are positive and lifts your mood.
• Smile-  Smiling more in general just helps in all aspects of life. Don’t fake smile like you do when your mom makes you take family pictures. People can sense that a mile away. Genuinely smiling makes you more approachable and friendly. It may feel weird at first if you don’t smile a lot but try smiling a little, to begin with.

Go To The Gym

If you are a little overweight or a little skinny it might make you feel insecure. Working out can give you a sense of control and is a good stress reliever. It also doesn’t hurt that it releases those endorphins!  Going to the gym makes you feel like you accomplished something. As well as helping build muscle which helps you to feel and look good. If you struggle doing things in public in front of people, working out in a gym can help build confidence and make you face those fears.

The Taking Action Part Of Confidence: What Are We Doing?

Don’t Over Apologize

Saying sorry and taking responsibility for things is a good trait! It’s not good however when you overdo it and at times when you don’t have to be sorry. Overly apologizing makes you seem unsure of yourself. Also constantly saying it, makes apologizing lose its value. Learn to know when saying sorry is appropriate. There are ways to seem sorry without saying the words. For instance, if you are late for something try saying something like thank you for waiting for me, I hope it wasn’t too much trouble.

Do Things Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Doing things that make you uncomfortable is the best way to help you learn and challenge yourself and grow. The only way to get better at something is to practice and do things you normally wouldn’t do. So if you notice yourself really wanting to do something but it makes you really uncomfortable, do it! I don’t mean dangerous things that could get you hurt or things that would put others in danger so don’t get any ideas. I mean things like if you have really been wanting to get a tattoo, go out and get it! If you have really been wanting to talk to this cute person go and say hi! Challenge yourself always.

Talk To Strangers

Talking to random people helps build your people skills and is a confident thing to do. It can take a lot of courage to talk to random people sometimes which in turn helps you. So next time you are waiting on line, or you really want to say something to a random person but you feel uncomfortable just do it! What’s the worst that could happen? They will either answer you back and you have a nice conversation or they’ll maybe not engage. And that is okay! It’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s better you learn how to strike up conversations with people and build up your self-esteem then avoid them out of fear from the few rude people.

Do Nice Things For Others

Doing things for others not only benefits them, it helps us too! It feels good to see other people feel good and know we did that. So try to hold the door open for someone, shoot someone a compliment, or go out and help that neighbor or family member that’s been needing a hand lately. You’ll become the new favorite which always feels good.

Stick Up For Your Self

Sticking up for yourself can be scary when you’ve never done it before. You don’t have to go from never saying anything to becoming this big macho man overnight. It could be for little things like let us say someone tells you your ideas are stupid. Let them know that’s not cool and you think your ideas are good and you are sticking by them. You obviously don’t want to go stir crazy and start fights with the wrong people. There are times when you should walk away and there are times when you should say something. When it’s against an aggressive person stand down and walk away if its someone that is putting you down consider standing up and letting them know it’s not okay.

Ask For What You Want (Be Direct)

When you feel insecure you may notice yourself not be direct about what you want or hesitate to ask. If you need something, first think about what it is you want and go directly to the person who can give it to you and ask. I know its another thing that’s easier said then done but becoming confident means doing confident things and knowing what you want and asking for it directly oozes confidence. You can’t get what you want from others if you don’t ask.

Set Goals & Achieve Them

Setting a goal and knowing you achieved it is the best feeling and boosts your confidence in a big way. It’s important to set realistic goals so that way you don’t feel overwhelmed and set yourself up for failure. For instance Let’s say a big goal of yours is to pass an exam but usually, you fail. Take steps to pass that exam like study really hard, get a study buddy, believe you can do it and bam! Watch yourself do better!

What do you think? Do you have confidence tips you want to share? Do you have personal experience you’d like to share? Leave it in a comment below!

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