In my Ocd series which you can find here, I talked about what OCD is, my own experience and how to overcome it. Mental illness is really hard and affects not just the sufferer but the loved ones around. I feel like these tips don’t just help OCD but also anxiety and depression. Here are some tips I think would help when trying to help them through it and help yourself through it as well.
I know being in someone’s life who has mental illness can be super frustrating. I’m sure sometimes you may feel like you want to say things like “stop being ridiculous! You’re so annoying. Not this again!” Trust me they’re just as frustrated if not more from this as you are. Yelling doesn’t make it go away, it doesn’t stop them from their illness. It won’t scare their mental stability straight. It will make them feel more alone, more likely to hurt themselves. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, go take a breather. Go take some time for yourself . Get your head together because mental illness affects everyone around and it’s not easy.
With mental illness comes a lot of help and support needed. As hard as it is please be patient with your loved one. They are tormented as it is in their own brain. I know it can be super frustrating and sometimes not tolerable, but it’s super important that they have a good support system. If they share something with you that sounds scary don’t be scared. They are scared themselves. They actually are scared of their thoughts and going through with them. Get them the help they need. Encourage them to do things when they feel like they can’t. Let them know life is more than this illness. Encourage to go to therapy or get out of bed or do things they’re scared of. Give Love, compassion, understanding as much as you can.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people tell sufferers, ” It could be worse, you have it better than others.” Yeah, of course, someone may have it worse but no one wants guilt when they’re already feeling down. You may think you’re trying to help but it could be making it worse. It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse or YOU may not think their situations that bad. It’s their personal nightmare. There is a time and place to acknowledge our blessings but when someone’s at their worst, it’s the last thing they want to hear. Maybe try reminding them of their blessings after they just vent and feel a little better.
If someone tells you they’re thinking of suicide or going to hurt themselves or others, please don’t take it lightly. Contact a professional whether you have to go as far as calling the police. Contact someone. I don’t mean call if you guys are having a few laughs and they say it but I mean if they reach out and tell you, call. A lot of times people don’t know what to do and they just brush it off. And then something happens and they feel immense guilt even though it’s not even their fault. If a loved one shares with your their feelings about being scared or alone or they’re stressed don’t ignore them. Mental health is serious.
Take yourself out of your mind for a second and really take in what your loved one is saying. Imagine being in that same situation. What do you think you would need? What would help you get through this situation? Even if it’s hard to understand, a listening ear can be all that one needs. You don’t have to have all the answers or know what to say or do. Sometimes just being a shoulder to cry on is enough. Helping them calm down if they start to have a panic attack. Giving hugs, holding their hand, giving them love. That can be a help through their journey.
Unfortunately, this is a road they will have to do themselves. You can’t do it for them. You can cheer them on, on the sidelines but they need to face it. It’s natural when you love someone that you want to take away their pain. It’s not your job to save them and you can’t put that responsibility on yourself. It’ll just lead you to guilt and sadness yourself.
You can’t always give them what they want because they suffer. Imagine you were with someone that was scared to be alone. Imagine It’s starting to affect your work and every day they would panic if you tried to leave. Now you can’t be with them 24/7 right? If you did, that would hurt them more because they would never get through that anxiety or face that fear. Sometimes they’ll have to be alone and it’s okay for them to face their fears. Unless of course, it’s a dangerous situation then please don’t. But you’ll rob them of that accomplishment when they get through it. Obviously, sometimes you should help them but you get to pick and choose. Don’t completely avoid helping them. And Don’t let someone threaten their life if you don’t do what they want.
Get them help if they’re doing that. They may try to guilt you sometimes to do what they want but it’s not your responsibility. You can get outside help for them or encourage them to do it themselves.
When you are someone who struggles with anxiety, OCD or depression you kind of figure out what triggers you. If they tell you going somewhere or being in a certain situation makes them have a panic attack or their OCD spirals listen and try to accommodate them. Make them feel comfortable and like they can trust you. It is important they face their fears but that will happen on their own time when they are good and ready. Don’t force it. You could make it a traumatic experience. Same with depression. If they feel that being in a certain situation makes them feel worse, listen to them.
“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic,” – Anaïs Nin
Loving someone with mental illness can be really hard. Especially when you just want them to not suffer anymore. I hope some of these tips help you help a loved one.
Leave comments below of your experiences helping a loved one get through mental illness or any tips you can help your fellow friend!
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[…] Anxiety, we have all heard someone say that word at a young age. To some, it just means fear or anxiousness. To others, it is their world and it causes them to live a whole different lifestyle. It is normal to get anxiety randomly from being put in certain situations. It becomes a problem when it affects your day to day living. Some anxiety is necessary for dangerous situations to help us get out of there. But not at all times, it’s debilitating when it’s happening all the time. Just like my OCD series, this will be my Three-part guide on anxiety. Here you can find what anxiety is, what to do about it, my personal experience and my bonus already written post: how to help loved ones. […]