We all have to deal with hurtful comments or just things we don’t want to hear. There are hurtful comments that come from name calling and then there are hurtful comments that someone says about us that we don’t particularly like. Both are difficult to deal with and more times than not come from someone close to us. That is why it can hurt us the most. We let people into our lives and they know exactly what things to say and in a type of way that can hurt us. It can lead to low self esteem and emotional wounds. So how does one deal with these types of comments?
When people say hurtful things, it generally is coming from a bad place within themselves. Whether they meant to say their comment in a constructive criticism type of way or not, it came out hurtful. Maybe they said it in the heat of the moment, they took something out on you or it was built up, whatever it is it didn’t come out the best way.
Now it is not an excuse but just something you can remember when you are thinking about it and feel the pain of the comment. They are in a bad place, maybe they are going through something, maybe they are in some type of pain themselves or even deflecting. You may know about their struggle or you may nothing about it. Understand it is on them and not you.
It is extremely hard not to take hurtful comments personally. Sometimes it is extremely personal. Like I said earlier they are coming from a place of pain and hurt. Look at the comments in that way too. They are hurtful comments but they aren’t necessarily because you are an issue.
I used to know this woman that would say really rude things to me and take digs at me. I would take it very personally and get upset. As time went on I realized she was just an unhappy person and saw it was not me. She was the issue and it felt less personal. I then started to be affected by her rudeness less and felt more compassion rather than take it as a personal attack.
It is good to give yourself a time frame of when and who you are going to talk about your frustrations with. If you don’t talk about it at all, it builds up and then you lash out about little things or it comes out in unhealthy ways. You may even obsess about it in your mind and get stuck in your head. If you talk about it too much you get stuck in a negative loop and then the person and their comments have power over you. Neither of those are healthy.
So take some time and process the conversation. Vent to your most trusted couple of people. Take what they have to say into consideration. Maybe you’ll realize things you hadn’t before or your trusted loved ones will help you see it in a different light. Let yourself go through the emotions and feelings so you can get to process it and get past it easier.
You would be doing a disservice to yourself if every time someone said something to you about yourself that you didn’t like, you just ignored it. Doing that is how we won’t grow as people. Make sure there are times when you hear something about yourself that you don’t necessarily like, you ask yourself the hard questions.
This is where self-awareness comes into play. These questions do not apply with abusive name calling. Why is it that, that person said those things about you? Is there some truth to it? Did the comments hurt because you don’t want them to be true? Why did it hurt you so much? Digging deeper into why the comments hurt so much can help you recognize if its something you want help with in your life.
This can become unhealthy for some people especially the over thinkers or ones who have obsessive thoughts. So in that case give yourself a time limit for how long you think to yourself and see if its something you think can help you realize something about yourself and change. This isn’t a time to bash yourself but rather a time to see if it is something you want to consider. Use it as a growing tool if anything.
Now if you feel these comments generally do not apply to you then throw them away. Literally write the words on a piece of paper and then destroy it. Release it from your thoughts. Don’t let it take up anymore space in your brain then it already had. Remember the person who said it came from a hurtful place.
Imagine taking the mean comments and placing them in the trash bin in your brain. Agree to disagree. Not everything everyone says about you is factual. You get to choose who you want to agree with and trust to help you grow as a person.
For every negative situation we can always find a life lesson or turn it into a positive experience. I know it’s hard to imagine now but I’m sure if you really think about it you can find something you can take away from the situation. Maybe you learned something from it like how you don’t want to treat others or be treated yourself. Maybe it helped motivate you to be better and do better. Or it taught you about others in general. Whatever it is use this time where you can take this negative experience and make it a learning experience.
What do you guys think? How do you handle dealing with hurtful comments? Leave it all in the comments below!
