We all have an ego. Ego is a persons’ sense of self and self-importance. It is simply put your self-esteem. So you have your ego which is your sense of self, the way people view you, and then you have who you actually are. Some people have bigger egos than others. This can get in the way of your growth and happiness. The reason that is, is because you envision your self as this certain type of person and it may be very far off from the truth.
This is very common with narcissists but it doesn’t just happen with narcissists, it also happens with people that were raised by abusive narcissistic people as well.
If you grow up in a toxic home or around people that bring you down, it can cause you to feel unimportant, low about yourself, and really hurt your self-esteem. You did not feel validated, loved or heard as a kid. You then form this ego, this false confidence to feel important or like you matter. you are overcompensating to actually protect a frail ego.
Or in another circumstance, you actually were always told how great you were, smart you were and this then caused you to not be able to healthily validate yourself but rather think you are too good for others’ input.
It can be hard to talk to someone or get through to someone when their ego is in the way. All these signs are sure ways to know if your ego is a problem:
Anytime someone tries to correct you or criticize you, you immediately will become defensive. Rather than hearing what they have to say you may respond with ” I already knew that” or be condescending and say something like ” Everyone knows that. How could you not?” You will try to defend your character.
Someone else could be upset and you may make it about you like ” I can’t believe I have to deal with this right now.” Or maybe someone will be in a bad mood and you may take it personally and feel like it has to do with you when it is not about you.
It’s hard for you to see other people become successful or get attention. Seeing other people shinning is hard because you may so be used to the attention or you crave it so much that it bothers you seeing other people have it. You are so used to being put down or being told how good you are.
You crave attention, and validation because you never learned how to genuinely validated yourself and you gave yourself false confidence, you need other people to validate you. It makes you feel bad seeing other people have what you want.
Since you have a hard time with accepting your reality, you may feel like you need to be the best or always go big because your ego makes you believe you are capable of more than you are. So you will set these unattainable goals to prove yourself.
You may make things a competition because you need to be the best and you need to win. From who’s the best looking to who can get to the house the fastest. You may unintentionally/subconsciously make things a competition, all you know is you crave to be the best. If you lose you will feel upset or bad about yourself and it will cause you to feel invalidated. If you win it will feed your ego.
Like I mentioned earlier, you don’t know how to validate yourself so you need constant recognition, and praise from others to make you feel good. You may go out of your way just to get some sort of validation, respect or recognition. You will talk about yourself in away to get people to give you praise and it may cause you to come off as braggy.
Whether it is on a subject that you don’t know a lot about or a subject you do know a lot about you have to be the one that is right or knows the information. You need to one up them because it is hard for you to feel like someone knows more than you about things. It is your needing to be important and frail ego that gets in the way.
It may feel like nothing is ever good enough for you. You may always want more attention or you feel like you are not good enough.
If you are someone where your ego gets in the way and you have a hard time taking in what other people are saying, it can make you very combative and make it hard for people to get close to you. It makes it hard to share things with you because they know you may just get defensive or you may react in a condescending nasty type of way.
You are not fully being yourself or you are not expressing your genuine emotions or being vulnerable so that then leads people to misunderstand you. Instead, You are just giving them the protected version of you, the ego you so you are not fully explaining what is going on since you already know and no one can help you.
The reason why it is unhealthy is because having an ego stops you from growth and stops you from being able to have close relationships. It causes you to be lonely and delusional. You are not able to take in what other people are saying because you think you know already and you keep trying to protect yourself from others. It is important you do heal so you can have a better life. So how do you heal a frail ego?
The first step is to recognize when you are getting defensive, recognize when you think you know everything, recognize when you’re making it about you or you’re feeling jealous of other people. Recognize when you’re being competitive or craving attention. Be aware of when these things are happening. When you are aware it makes it a lot easier to be able to do something about it.
This is the most important thing you need when dealing with your ego because ego comes from lack of healthy self validation and feeling the need to prove yourself. Be supportive towards yourself and say yes I am smart and I also can not wait to learn more. ” I did a great job on that meal, can’t wait to learn more recipes!” Give yourself credit as well as make it an experience of being excited to learn more. It is a balance.
Form a strong sense of self so be open to what your trusted loved ones have to say as well as define who you are. Not being defensive or cocky but rather in a healthy way being confident in your sense of self. Build healthy self-esteem and form that strong foundation you need to grow and be open. Accept yourself and others rather than being critical. Work on loving and accepting yourself.
Be open to what other people are saying rather than being defensive. See what you can learn from what others are sharing. Try to not take what they’re saying as an attack but more so take it as something you can learn from or help you grow. Understand they’re not always challenging you. Take others feedback as useful rather than harmful or an attack.
Even if someone is saying something critical that you do not agree with you can take it in and see a way you can learn from it. It is okay if you don’t agree but it is still important you approach it with an open mind rather then an attack.
It is important you acknowledge and admit that you just don’t know things and that is okay. It is okay to be vulnerable, it is okay that you don’t know everything and it is certainly okay to ask for help. Admit you do know some things but you can not know everything.
If you ask for help and you show that vulnerable side you can connect with others. It can get lonely when you don’t ask for help or allow others to see you when you’re vulnerable.
Everyone is on their own journey. You do not have to be the same as someone else. You have some things others don’t have and others have some things you don’t have. Allow others to have things, there is enough success in the world. It does not discredit or define how successful you will be.
Sometimes when your ego is an issue you can feel out of control which then causes you to want to gain control in unhealthy ways. Let go of that control. Focus more on what you can control which is yourself, your interactions and what you do instead of what you can’t control. You can not control what others say or their opinions but you can control how you react to those things.
It is important to let down these walls so you can grow as a person and have healthier closer relationships with others. It isn’t fun to always be on the defense or not allow others in. You deserve better than that.
What do you guys think? Do you struggle with ego or have more to add? Leave it all in the comments below!
