When you first learn about narcissism is natural to finally feel excited that you have an answer to why the person you love acts the way you do. So you think, Oh great! Now I have an answer and we can come up with the solution. Maybe the solution is I will tell them so we can finally fix it and have a healthy happy dynamic. So you may wonder what will happen if you do tell them?
Let’s say you decide you are going to go up to them and tell them or maybe you get in a fight with them and it just angrily comes out where you scream ” Well you are a narcissist!” When you do this you think something will change and they heard you. NOPE! You have just awoken a beast, a toddler tantrum. You now have figured them out. They now know you know they are not who they pretend to be. They need you and others to believe they are this certain image that they put out of themselves.
Underneath all of that ego is deep shame, low self-worth, and insecurity. They don’t want the things they feel shameful about to come out and by you calling it out, you are awakening it. They are losing control, when people lose control they will try to find any way they can gain back control. Now a master plan is coming into play.
Something you have to understand is narcissists can not self-reflect, empathize or genuinely change. It is a part of their brain that did not fully develop. Because what happens with childhood trauma is that you get stuck at the age you were abused at. Since those parts of your brain did not fully develop, you will behave the same way you did when you were a child as you did when something negative happened to you or you felt threatened. So they will have an outburst like a child.
Now if you have a narcissist that already knows what a narcissist is since there are narcissists that know what they are. There are doctors that are narcissists, lawyers, therapists, any of these people can be aware of narcissists. So if they are aware of them then they will then try to convince you that you are the narcissist. Or if they have no idea what it is, they will go and research it, gather all that information and tell you that you are the narcissist.
Another thing they will do is go into full-blown devalue stage. They will be really mean to you, gaslight you, exclude you, and try to fit you in this box that you are crazy like you are bipolar or have a mental disorder. They will blame you even if they admit to doing things and tell you that you are the reason why or they will make excuses and say that’s who they are. Or they will stonewall you by ignoring you and not acknowledge you. It also may be the start of the discard stage where they ice you out as you are not good supply anymore.
On the other extreme end, they may act as if they want to get help and ask to go to therapy. This is because they have a fear of abandonment and not having that supply anymore. Because of that, they will act like they need the help, they want to work on your relationship. But in reality, they are just doing it as a way to learn how to manipulate you better. Not only to manipulate you but also to manipulate the therapist that you are the problem and you are the one that needs the help and they will turn it around on you. It will bully you into submission so you never bring it up again.
The smear campaign is when they hurt your reputation and take credibility away from you. They try to completely demolish your name. So they will go to people that are close to you like friends, family, neighbors, and talk badly about you. They will make up lies that they are convinced of and will turn others against you. They are trying to save face. The narcissist knows you know who they are and they want to keep their cover. So they know if they make you look bad you will lose credibility if you say anything. Que the flying monkeys.
The flying monkeys are people that enable and follow what the narcissist says. These are people that believe what the narcissist is saying and repeat or try to convince you, you are doing wrong to the narcissist. They act on the behalf of the narcissists and do their dirty work.
A smear campaign is painful and horrible and the worst experience to go through. You can feel crazy as you feel everyone is against you. It elevates them and makes them feel in control. They want you to have an emotional outburst so it will give them credibility. But you don’t fit in their control or delusional world because you have figured them out. Really all you can do is block, delete, and don’t go near those people that believe what the narcissist is saying.
All in all telling the narcissist they are a narcissist is not going to have the outcome that you had hoped it would. In a healthy relationship, it makes sense but with a narcissist, they will use it as a way to further abuse you.
What do you guys think? Leave it all in the comments below!
