Emotional unavailability is when someone is not open to discussing their feelings or go deeper in some sort of way. They have a hard time emotionally connecting and they try to run from it. The reason why people become emotionally unavailable is because they have not dealt with their inner child wounds or wounds from the past. They can’t deal with their insecurities or things they don’t like about themselves. So when you cant deal with yourself or the things going on with you then you won’t be able to deal with another person or things going on with them. This is all unconsciously. Their ego is protecting them so there is a complete lack of self-awareness. So what are some signs you’re dealing with someone emotionally unavailable?
Things with them will feel pretty surface level. It will be really hard to have deeper conversations with them like about their hopes, their dreams, their opinions. You may not know a lot about them. You may try to ask questions but they may avoid their personal feelings or avoid telling you things. This also means they will avoid conflict. So it could be hard discussing your feelings or anything wrong/their feelings. They may make it a joke or make it seem like you’re making a big deal of nothing/belittle and dismiss.
If you lack the ability to go deep and understand yourself then you lack self awareness and self love. And if you lack those things then you can’t think about someone else. So they won’t put effort into you and the relationship. They want what they want and not have to deal with you and your feelings. So there will be a lot of giving but not enough receiving.
Emotionally unavailable people are usually hurt people that don’t want to deal with their past. So this means that they live based purely on Ego. That means they do not want to deal with anything wrong with them. It is much easier to accuse you than deal with their own stuff. It hurts too much. they can’t deal with their own insecurities so they have an inaccurate sense of self. So when they hear something that does not match who they want to be, they will go on the attack. They do not want to be that person or have people think they’re that person.
They will play a lot of games and you won’t be able to get a good read on them. This can cause you to have anxiety as you’re as trying to guess what they want. But they will never tell you upfront. you will hear things like ” It is up in the air” Or “we’ll see what happens.” This is so they can string you along and not have to deal with dealing with you or the consequences of you leaving for not giving you what you want.
Since they don’t deal with their feelings, they will deal with your feelings the same. So this means completely invalidating how you feel. They will make someone who has healthy views of a relationship seem negative and question if you’re wrong. They will say you’re too tense, too sensitive, overdramatic. So they will dismiss all your feelings and make you feel bad for having feelings. It will feel like you’re too sensitive because you have to be the one that carries all the feelings.
People confuse intimacy with sex but it is not just sex. It can also be hugs or a deep connection. They have a hard time and also fear getting close. They fear sharing and getting close. So in order to deal with this fear they may seek distance, avoid labels, or even avoid affections. One minute they hug you and the next they will push you away. It can feel like too much commitment to them. Getting close means potentially getting hurt so they will avoid being intimate.
One minute they’ll behaving one way and the next they’re doing the complete opposite. You are always guessing how they’re going to be. One day something could be okay and the next it isn’t. And this can be very attractive because of the inconsistent reward. When it’s good it feels so good and when it’s bad you’ll crave it to be good again.
It is important to recognize the signs whether they’re in ourselves or in other people. If you are involved with someone that is emotionally unavailable, you need to ask yourself, is this worthy of my time? Are you getting the same in return? If the answer is no then you need to consider leaving. You may be getting stuck in fixing them or hoping they’ll be better. you cant change them. You can only share how you’re feeling but it will only go so far if the person does not want to put in the work.
If you are someone that is emotionally unavailable then you need to dig deep into your inner child wounds and work on loving yourself. You also need to become aware of your feelings and what you want in your life. You have spent a lot of time running from your feelings or feeling pain that it is time to acknowledge it and work through it. Which this is exactly what these videos and posts are for!
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