Sociopaths and Narcissists often get confused. That is because Sociopaths are extensions of narcissists. The things they have in common is that they both have a grandiose sense of self, they both lack empathy, are extremely manipulative, a sense of entitlement, and both are pretty charming in the beginning. A key thing that is different is that Narcissists are based off of hurt and ego. They are driven by trying to fill their bruised ego through the admiration of others. Sociopaths are more empty. They are filled with rage. It is like they are trying to get vengeance on their past.
If you become a narcissist or a sociopath, you had to have had a pretty messed up childhood. They have dealt with some sort of abuse, some sort of neglect, and an insecure attachment to their caregiver.
With narcissists, they crave love and have a terrifying fear of abandonment. They are a child stuck in their abuse where they throw tantrums, try to get their way, and they don’t know how to communicate their feelings so they try to manipulate and control. Their end goal is to have someone that will love them, depend on them, and be manipulatable so their victim will be exactly how they want them to be. This is so their victim will never abandon them and they can continue to get their supply to fill their bruised ego. They’re very emotional.
As children, they felt that they were never validated, felt hurt, and didn’t know how to deal with the pain so they learned that the only way to have their needs met was to manipulate others. The type of abuse they endured more so had to do with being overly enabled and spoiled or needing to meet very high expectations and being torn apart when they did not. Which then turned into not feeling good enough and having deep shame and insecurities which they hide behind their ego.
Sociopaths on the other hand they have had messed up things in their childhood but they process their abuse differently. Rather than them feeling like they need others like a narcissist does, they use others. They are filled with rage and use people as stepping stones and they only care about fame, power, and success. A sociopath’s end goal is to use others. They don’t really care about love or being in deep relationships. Sociopaths care about power. They even enjoy seeing others in pain as it makes them feel powerful.
As children, they felt hurt and like they did not matter so they made themselves matter. They felt the only way to feel better was to use people as pawns. They dealt with more extreme abuse to the point where they numbed themselves. Or they dealt with extreme neglect where there was no care for them. So they dealt with their pain by suppressing and it turning into rage.
So how do they differ?
Sociopaths are con artists and wear many different masks. They change their masks depending on who they are around at the time and what they can gain. They don’t have own deep genuine feelings, it is very shallow feelings. Really, sociopaths mainly feel anger/rage, happiness, and jealousy. They don’t often feel sad as the sadness turns into anger. And if you can’t feel deep pain then you can’t feel genuine happiness. That is why their emotions are often short-lived as it is very surface level. The emotions they are less likely to have are remorse, guilt, and shame.
Sociopaths watch people feel something and then they mimic that behavior when it benefits them. For instance, let us say there is a sociopathic man that sees a woman in power and she has recently gone through a divorce. He will mimic someone that has empathy and show this woman empathy to try to gain her trust so he can eventually be with her and also gain that power she has. So it can be easy for them to put their emotions aside when they are on a mission. So they will present themselves as a victim, a successful business person, a dog lover..whoever they need to be, to manipulate their victim. The only time they have a hard time maintaining their masks is when they go into a rage.
Narcissists on the other hand are very emotional and arent able to wear different masks. They live off of other’s reactions for validation, it is a constant cycle of love bombing and devaluing. In public, they behave one way and are usually on their best behavior but behind closed doors they are very child-like, throw tantrums and respond with emotions. Narcissists have a certain image to uphold and their ego is always at stake, that is what drives a lot of their behavior.
Sociopaths don’t feel a lot of guilt or shame and it makes them dangerous. They’re more able to kill and not feel bad about it. They mainly care about getting what they want. Sociopaths care more about not getting caught than not doing that bad behavior, they care about covering up their tracks. They won’t be sorry for doing it, they will be sorry for getting caught.
Narcissists on the other hand feel guilt and shame but they project their feelings onto you. Their wanting to be perceived a certain way is in order to deal with their guilt and shame. They actually have a conscience and know what is right and wrong but choose to do otherwise. This is because of their selfish nature and wanting to get what they want when they want it.
Sociopaths are skilled liars. They are good at manipulating because they convince themselves of their lies and that is why they are such good pathological liars. They lie because they need to be convincing and good manipulators to gain that success and power. Sociopaths dehumanize people and see them as tools so it makes it easier to lie to them and not sees them as someone with human emotions.
Narcissists are definitely liars but they are not as skilled of liers. They are lying to protect their ego and delusional world. They lie out of pure emotion whereas sociopaths lie out of calculation.
Sociopaths go and perform in very risky behavior. That means they may do things like have unprotected sex, gamble, drive motorcycles with no helmet. They behave as if they are invincible because they can’t think of consequences and don’t think anything bad could happen to them. So they do not get stressed about what could happen, they mainly think about just getting what they want like having fun or feeling pleasure.
Sociopaths are not really afraid of authority and don’t respect someone else trying to tell them what to do. They are more likely to have a record or get in trouble with the law. Narcissists on the other hand care very much about their image so they are less likely going to engage in risky behavior. They love themselves too much.
Towards the end, it can become easier to leave the sociopath. Once they realize they don’t need you or you are no use to them, they will start to show that emptiness and they have scary eyes. They will show a different colder side to them. Narcissists on the other hand always run on an abusive cycle. That is where the love bombing and the gaslighting, manipulating, and devaluing come into play. They make you feel like you need them. You usually stay in a relationship longer with a narcissist than a sociopath.
Sociopaths think of others when it benefits them and narcissist think of others based on how it reflects on them.
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