Something that scares people, especially if you have been around a narcissistic or manipulative person is dealing with another manipulative person. It can be less scary when knowing who to look out for, understand why they do it and who they go after.
People manipulate because that is the way they learned how to get their way, how to have their wants and needs met and that is how they learned how to communicate. They did not learn how to healthily ask for something or communicate or accept that they can not always get their way. These types of people think that the only way is to manipulate to get them to be the way they want in order to live the way that they want and to get what they want.
Manipulative people know how to detect weakness. They know the specific type of people that they want to go after. So that is highly sensitive people, empaths, codependents, people that don’t have a strong sense of self, and people that lack self love or lack the ability to say no and stand up for themselves. Basically vulnerable people. When they detect your weakness they then will use those weaknesses against you so that way they can convince you to do or say whatever they want. And they will continue to repeat this until you put a stop to it.
So you may be wondering if this is the case, how do I spot these types of people? You can spot them by looking for these signs.
This is one of the most important, their actions do not match their words. So you want to pay attention. Manipulators are very good at saying the right things, in the beginning, they are good at making you feel comfortable. This is because they want you to reveal as much information as possible and they will say things to make themselves look good but then their actions don’t match their words.
Let’s say for instance they say I hate people that mistreat others but then you go out to dinner with them and then they’re being nasty to the waiter. That does not make sense, it is a complete disconnect. So you want to pay attention to what someone is showing you rather than what they are telling you.
When someone tells you something, keep it in mind and then pay attention to exactly their actions based on the information they gave you.
Manipulators come off as this person that is very interested in what you have to say. They will say all the right things and come off as caring, and like they would be this really good friend/partner/boss. The only reason they’re doing that is because they are trying to gain your trust to gather information to then use against you later.
This is one of the trickier signs because most people will be interested in your life if they genuinely want to connect with you. So you don’t want to think just cause someone is acting interested in you they’re a manipulator, the thing that is different is the way they react when you don’t want to talk about certain things.
Let’s say they are asking a lot of personal questions and you don’t feel comfortable answering those questions yet and you give them very vague answers. Watch how they react to that or watch when you say I don’t feel comfortable talking about that. if they keep trying to push it or they come off across as offended or not understanding. This is your sign that they are potentially manipulative and they are just trying to gather information. rather than genuinely being interested. Someone that is genuinely interested would make you feel comfortable and be understanding.
Manipulative people don’t respect your answers or your boundaries. So pay attention to how they act when you don’t give them the answers they want or if you don’t go deep with them right away.
Manipulators want to move as quickly as possible because they have a secret intention. They want to move quickly through the steps of you trusting them, sharing things with them, and forming a bond so that way they can start manipulating you quicker. This is also a way to see if you are a good candidate as someone to manipulate. There is a lack of genuine connection. All they care about is what you have to offer to them.
If you meet someone and are interested in a romantic sense and they immediately offer to go on vacation together, that is too fast. Or someone that tries to get you to share things quickly or they try to share things too quickly
After you leave interactions with them or after you talk to them, you may feel like something is off. You maybe can’t put your finger on it but you feel uncomfortable, you feel unhappy. that is because your intuition is trying to be like ” hey listen there are some red flags, there is somethings ging on.” it may not be outright and they may not be saying things that are obvious but there are hidden intentions behind what this person is saying or doing.
This is something a lot of people pass off because they don’t feel they have any infinite proof that something is wrong, so they think it is them being afraid or they internalize it and think they’re the problem. You never want to ignore that feeling. if you feel like something is off, something most likely is off and you want to pay attention to that.
But there is a difference between something that is not right and being afraid. You want to recognize when something feels off because a lot of times when you come back from being in an abusive relationship or being around abusive people you will be very skeptical of nice people. That fear will kick in and you will wonder if they are a manipulator. You want to put the fear to the side and you want to ask yourself ” Do I feel uneasy around this person?” If you feel uncomfortable listen to that.
Manipulators will say things to cause you to question yourself and your reality aka gaslighting. So they may twist some things you say, speak half-truths, make you believe that you said or did something that you did not. This because they want to make sure that you are not entirely sure of who you are and what your reality is because then it is much easier to do what they want with you.
For instance, let’s say the other day you went up to this person and you said you don’t like it when they yell at you and you would like them to stop. A couple of days later they come up to you and tell you that you guys can’t hang out anymore cause you said you don’t like them. So then you will tell them you never said that and they will keep telling you over and over that you did.
They will keep playing this narrative that, that is what happened and they will do it over and over again. This will then cause you to question yourself and ask yourself “Did I say that?”I don’t remember saying that, maybe I did?” They will do this over and over again with different things where you will come to a point where you don’t trust what you say or feel.
Manipulative people will make you feel guilt you for anything. They don’t know how to ask for things, they only know how to guilt people into doing things. So they will try to make you feel like you are doing something wrong and they will try to make you feel bad in order to get what they want. They will especially catch them doing this when you say no or when you set boundaries for yourself.
You will catch them saying things like “If you would really like me, you would do this thing.” Or “My ex wouldn’t do this to me.” Just constantly guilting you into doing whatever they want.
Instead of saying exactly what it is that they are feeling, they will do things like take digs/jabs at you or say things with little hidden intents behind it. Or they will say they’re fine but then do things like slam the door and act in ways that show they clearly are not okay. Manipulative people will always keep you guessing what exactly is wrong, instead of telling you they are upset, they will take little digs at you or act in ways to show they’re upset. They want you to know they’re upset with you but they don’t have to deal with the consequence or confrontation or look like the bad guy.
Manipulators will say things to make you feel inadequate. They will say things to make you feel small and belittle you. These digs can come across as jokes, comments, or straight out criticism. They may try to find ways to put you down and make a joke out of you. In the beginning, they will make themselves look like this very caring supportive person that is there for you. But as you get to know them more, they will put you down, make you unhappy, make little side comments that make you feel bad or embarrass you and they will say things that make you feel like you are beneath them. They will still try to do this all while pretending they care about you.
If you ever leave an interaction and you feel bad and you are not entirely sure why, it is most likely because of little hidden comments and just know you are correct in the way you’re feeling and it may be a hidden sign you’re being manipulated. They want you to fit a certain narrative so that way they can manipulate you into getting what they want.
Speaking of fitting a narrative, they want you to fit the bad guy or a certain type of role so that way they can be the victim. If you are around someone and they are not able to take responsibility or see how they are wrong or they are constantly the victim they most likely are a manipulator. Somehow everyone is out to get them, everything bad is happening to them and they never really take accountability. This could be a sign that they can’t self reflect or see what they are doing wrong. You want to watch out for these people.
A way to test this is you can ask them if they feel they would handle the sitution differently or what is something they did wrong. If they can not come up with anything then you know that is a sign of a potential manipulator.
They will put pressure on you to make decisions quickly. They want things when they want it and they do not really care what is going on in your life. Manipulators may overwhelm you with facts or things of that nature to pressure you to make decisions because that is how they can get you to make decisions based on what they want. You cant change your mind if you’re pressured. you will have anxiety that you need to take care of it right away. that way when you make the decision they can guilt you if you try to back out.
The part of your brain that makes decisions also is in control of your emotions so when they put pressure and fear on you, it causes you to make decisions quickly. Salesmen also use this tactic when it comes to your emotions and decisions.
Manipulators make you feel like you have to do it. Things they pressure you into doing are things like contracts, go on a date, do something they want, go on a trip. lend them money all these things will be pressured.
When you tell them they did something wrong, you will notice their reaction is extreme. They will not be able to take it in so they will deflect, get defensive, or turn it around. Now here is the thing, we all don’t like to hear when something is wrong and may get defensive or use these kinds of tactics. So it is always not a sure sign but the difference is they never come around and can not take in anything negative about themselves because their ego is fragile.
A healthy person may get defensive but they will change. A Manipulator will get defensive and then continue to do the thing that bothers you. That is a sure sign of someone that can not self reflect. empathize or care about other points of view. They do not care to change. So pay attention to how people respond when you are expressing your feelings. Are they able to change or do they continue to do the same thing?
When it comes to manipulation a lot of things are very subtle so it can be hard to notice but you will feel like something is off. Manipulative people exist but it is not something to be scared of because when you recognize these people and aware of the signs or you are aware of what you want and deserve, you will feel empowered. You will be able to recognize them and realize that is not someone you want to mess with.
What do you guys think? Have any signs you want to share or your experiences with a manipulator? Leave it all in the comments below!
