Everyone handles breakups differently some people act like it does not affect them and then it bites them in the ass down the line. Some get with a new person immediately to cover up the pain which again later down the line…bites them in the ass. There are some who beg and cry for their ex back or try to stay in contact as much as possible, send their favorite things, do the things they love, do anything to win them back and just stay close in hopes that the ex will change their mind and come back. And then there are some who disappear and break all contact.
Want to know who has the highest chance of winning their ex back? If you said the one who stays in close contact Ehhhh’nt! You’re wrong! (If you are wondering what that misspelling of a made up word is, it is a buzzer. Don’t worry I looked it up, it’s a real thing.) I know that one seems like it makes the most sense, people think and fear out of sight out of mind but surprisingly the answer is the one who disappears and breaks all contact.
Why you may ask? Because it isn’t just the fact they disappear that makes them have a higher chance. There is a couple factors that are important during the disappearance which I’ll get into. Time is the biggest. There needs time for the old relationship to die. It didn’t work out and you don’t want that old relationship, time will give you the chance to start a new one. A re-do, start fresh. Another reason why time is in your favor is because time gives your ex the chance to forget the bad things about you and your relationship. If you stick around, it only reinforces the reason y’all broke up.
As time goes on we forget the bad and remember more of the good. That is why you’ll hear people say I forgot why I stayed away from this person! Because time passed. What you do with that time is the real kicker! It is the most important part of how you can have a chance again. So what are you supposed to do with that time that will really win your ex back?
Focus on yourself! You heard that right. You are in control of your destination and what happens. When we get in relationships a lot of time we lose ourselves and become one with our partner. Be you again! Find yourself again. This is time for you to refocus on you, the one you lost and maybe even a wiser, healthier version of you. Not only that but there is a reason you guys broke up.
When I was 17 I thought I was going to be with my high school sweetheart for the rest of my life. He was everything I thought I wanted. Then one day he dumped me which felt like what was out of the blue(later saw it wasn’t) and he then got with a girl a week later! Humiliated and Devastated are understatements. I frantically tried to win him back. I even lowered my standards and disrespected myself in desperation to win him back. Until that wasn’t working and I did what we all do when we need answers.
I went to the almighty google and researched how to win your ex back. I was brought to a forum with this program called How to win your ex back where everyone talked about wanting their ex back and their progress. So I followed that exact advice. What was the program? All it was, was exactly what I’m saying here. Focus on yourself and what happened.
Right now it may be hard and you may think your relationship was amazing because after we get broken up with we hold onto how amazing it was from being in so much pain but something went wrong! Think of the things your ex said that bothered them about you. Think of all the fights you guys had. What were your last couple weeks or even months together like before the breakup? What went wrong? Did you miss some things? Were you not attentive enough? Listen enough? Stopped caring about your hygiene? What happened? What about things they did wrong? Are they worth getting back? Really sit and ask yourself the hard questions, list it out if that helps to visually see it.
Then after you have established those things work on them! Work on yourself. You are starting a new relationship here! You don’t want to be the old you that didn’t take it seriously. The spark was there at one point, you can definitely get it back again, there is always that chance. It is important when you meet again it is like you are meeting for the first time (without the introductory.) You want to be an improved you. No bringing up the past unless an apology is necessary but it’s important to not live in the past. Starting fresh after some time apart!
You are probably skimming through this post trying to find how long you should take off. And there is no right or wrong answer but the minimum is a month. You need at least a month to focus on yourself. And guess what? There is absolutely no down side to this because in the end you may realize you don’t even want your ex back! They are focusing on their lives and you should be focusing on yours. You want to make sure you have a solid foundation with yourself before you start building on that with another.
If you are wondering what happened with me and my ex. I won him back alright, he came begging and then I realized I didn’t even want him. There is always a happy ending when you focus on yourself.
I know this is such a heartbreaking time right now. You just want the pain to stop. I promise you it will. It is hard not talking to your ex and really scary! But what you have been doing so far isn’t working otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this. Let go of the old dead relationship. It is already dead and buried. There is a chance for a new one. It has to start somewhere right? I have been there, we have all been there! When you feel an urge to talk to your ex, write in a notebook, that is what I did and it really helped! You can check my article here on how to survive heartbreak. Hang in there and keep working on you! There was a you before your ex and there will be a you after. Have hope.
What do you guys think? Have a story to share or more tips to add? Do you agree or disagree? Leave it all in the comments below!
