When we hear about separation anxiety, we often think about it in terms of pets or children. However, what happens to children who never resolve their separation anxiety? They become adults with separation anxiety, and this is an issue that isn’t talked about enough.
Separation anxiety often originates in childhood due to traumatic events such as parental divorce, the death of a loved one, or having a parent who struggles with addiction. Children in these situations may develop an intense fear of being separated from an attachment figure. This anxiety is rooted in insecurity and fear of loss. While many assume children grow out of it, unresolved separation anxiety can follow them into adulthood.
Feelings of Shame and Embarrassment: Adults with separation anxiety often feel ashamed of their feelings. They might be embarrassed by their strong attachment to someone and their fear of being apart from them. This can lead to suppressing their anxiety or appearing overly needy and controlling.
Anxiety When Leaving an Attachment Figure: Whether it’s a partner, parent, child, or even a pet, the anxiety becomes pronounced when separated from their attachment figure. They may experience generalized anxiety and have a hard time functioning until the person returns.
Perceiving the World as Dangerous: There is a constant fear that something bad will happen to their loved ones when they are not around. This can manifest in obsessive thoughts about accidents or harm coming to the attachment figure.
Fear for Their Own Safety: Individuals may feel unsafe without their attachment figure and might experience health anxiety or panic attacks when separated.
Difficulty Being Away from Home: Being in public or away from home without their attachment figure can provoke intense fear and anxiety about potential dangers.
Fear of Being Home Alone: The thought of being alone at home can be terrifying. Individuals might experience anxiety attacks and be unable to relax.
Trouble Maintaining Relationships and Work: The constant stress and anxiety about their attachment figure can make it difficult to focus on other relationships or work responsibilities.
Difficulty Sleeping Alone: They may have trouble sleeping without their attachment figure nearby, fearing something bad will happen during the night.
Nightmares: Frequent nightmares about being separated from their attachment figure can disrupt sleep and contribute to anxiety.
Physical Symptoms at the Thought of Separation: Simply imagining being separated from their attachment figure can cause physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, and panic attacks.
Expose Yourself to Your Fears: Gradually exposing yourself to being alone or away from your attachment figure can help reduce anxiety. Start with small steps, such as spending short periods apart and gradually increasing the duration.
Practice Self-Talk: Use soothing and reassuring language to calm yourself. Remind yourself that you are safe and capable of handling situations on your own.
Focus on What You Can Control: Instead of worrying about things outside of your control, concentrate on what you can manage. This shift in focus can help reduce feelings of helplessness and anxiety.
Create a Calm Environment: When exposing yourself to anxiety-provoking situations, ensure the environment is calm and supportive. This can help prevent re-traumatizing yourself.
Seek Support: Talk to your attachment figure about your fears and work together on strategies to cope with separation anxiety. Having emotional support can make a significant difference.
Challenge Your Thoughts: Challenge irrational fears by assessing the likelihood of negative events happening. This helps shift focus from possibilities to probabilities, reducing anxiety.
Develop Other Sources of Support: Build a network of supportive relationships to help you feel secure. This can lessen the dependency on a single attachment figure and broaden your sense of safety.
If you struggle with adult separation anxiety, know that you are not alone. While it may be a taboo subject, understanding and addressing it is the first step toward managing and healing. By taking proactive steps and seeking support, you can overcome this anxiety and lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.
