So, you’ve identified that you most likely have a narcissistic parent. That realization alone can bring a tidal wave of emotions—grief, confusion, clarity, and even guilt. And now, you’re faced with an even more personal decision: Do I want to have any kind of relationship with this parent?
Let me start by saying that there’s no right or wrong answer here. Going no contact, staying low contact, or choosing to maintain a relationship are all deeply personal choices, and each narcissistic parent is different. Some people find peace by cutting ties completely. Others decide to keep the parent in their life, despite the challenges.
If you’re someone who chooses to stay in contact—whether it’s frequent or minimal—you’re going to need some real tools to navigate that relationship. Because this relationship won’t look like any other. It’s complicated. It’s emotionally taxing. And it will require a level of emotional work that most other relationships don’t.
Before we even dive into boundaries, let’s acknowledge one hard truth: a relationship with a narcissistic parent is not a normal parent-child relationship. And because of that, you may have to grieve what you never received—the emotional safety, the unconditional love, the true nurturing. Grieving the idea of the parent you wished you had is part of the healing.
Our parents play such a foundational role in our lives. Yes, temperament and environment also shape us, but what a parent does or doesn’t do leaves lasting marks well into adulthood. So, it’s no wonder cutting them off feels so hard. In many cases, keeping them around—however difficult—is a way some people try to hang on to hope, identity, or connection.
But if you do stay, you’ll need to understand one key thing: the way you relate to this parent has to change.
If you’ve tried to set boundaries with a narcissistic parent, you’ve likely noticed it doesn’t go as smoothly as it does with healthier people. They don’t respect boundaries. In fact, they often explode at them.
Here’s why.
For a narcissistic parent, boundaries represent a threat to their control. As a child, you were helpless. You couldn’t enforce boundaries without risking abandonment, so you complied, lost parts of yourself, and worked tirelessly to stay connected—even if it meant being emotionally or physically harmed. That compliance kept the relationship intact.
But now you’re an adult. You’re no longer dependent. You have autonomy. And that terrifies them.
Narcissistic parents see their children not as individuals but as extensions of themselves. When you start setting boundaries, you’re shattering the illusion that they are still in charge. They lose access to the emotional “supply” they once got from you—your praise, your obedience, your emotional reactions. That supply was everything to them. It gave them a sense of identity and control.
And when that gets cut off? They spiral.
As a child, you may have been the scapegoat one day and the golden child the next. When you performed well—got good grades, looked the part, made them look good—they poured on the love, gifts, and praise. But when you disappointed them or asserted yourself? You were attacked, criticized, manipulated, or shut out.
This rollercoaster wasn’t random—it was a form of control. The narcissistic parent is empty inside. They don’t have a solid sense of self, so they get their validation from tearing others down or soaking up admiration. You became a source of their self-worth.
So when you draw a line in the sand and say no more—you’re not just setting a boundary. You’re taking away their mirror, their supply, and their power.
Expect backlash. Here are some common responses you might get:
These reactions aren’t about you. They’re about their loss of control. It’s important to remind yourself of that every time they lash out.
Choosing to maintain a relationship with a narcissistic parent is not for the faint of heart. But it can be done with the right boundaries, support system, and emotional tools. Just know that boundaries are not punishments—they’re protection. And you’re not selfish for setting them. You’re strong.
And if you’re new to this kind of work, welcome. I’m Missy, and I help people get to the root of the issue so they can heal and deal. If you found this helpful, be sure to check out my book, Anxiety at the Root, which dives deep into how anxiety and negative thinking form—and how to heal from the inside out.
You’ve got this.
