Being selfish has always had a bad rep. We’ll use it as an insult to others but it’s only really a problem when it’s overly done just like it’s a problem when you are overly selfless. If you are someone who has been abused or mistreated in life, then you most likely have an unhealthy view of when to be selfless and when to be selfish. You are probably someone that gives to the point that you are running on empty and don’t have anything left to give yourself. You are so stuck in your patterns you might not even know where to start. Let me give you some tips on where you can start on your journey of self-healing and taking care of you!
Someone who doesn’t think of themselves and focuses too much on others needs will not want to “bother” others or don’t think anyone would be willing to help when the opposite is true! When you do things for others it makes you feel good right? Spread that goodness around! Let other people feel needed, give them a chance to give to you. By not asking them, you are robbing them of that experince. Don’t just ask but willingly take it when it is offered to you! Everyone needs help, we cant do everything by ourselves.
Also according to psychologists, when you ask for favors from others it makes them like you. It makes them like you because they make the decision to do something for you and subconsciously it makes them realize they like you. Because everyone knows you won’t do something for someone you don’t like. So don’t hesitate to get help when you need it. You’d be surprised by the people around you that will want to help.
This is a hard one for overly selfless people to realize. How can you understand your needs if you rarely put them first? Sit down and really ask yourself, write it out if you have to and recognize what do you need? Do you need appreciation from others? Need help with things? Do you need love? Do you just need a bath? After you have recognized them, allow yourself to have those needs met. You are a human and you need to take care of you too. It doesn’t matter if you are a mom, dad or the president when you meet your needs, you can continue to give just like you like doing. Or if you give out of guilt this is the right time to recognize it and take steps to slow it down. But when we just continue to give and don’t take care of our needs, we take care of others in a less efficient way. You’ll notice you’ll feel more refreshed and ready to do things for others in a better mindset!
Saying no is a tough one. It may give you anxiety saying no and fear of hurting others or causing trouble etc. How often do you wind up saying yes to things and then YOU wind up in a tough spot? Whether it’s giving time, money or energy you don’t have. Trying to spread yourself thin to appease others. You need a break and need to allow yourself to say no. You don’t always have to say no, but the perfect times to say no are times when it’ll cause trouble for you. Start off slow, say no to one thing when you feel like you just need a break. You get to pick and choose when you feel you need to say no. It will be scary at first but the first is the worst and after that, it will get easier. You’d be surprised how well people can take no! They just move on with their life. And if they don’t, you dont want to be surronded by those people anyway. So try it out!
What is a sacrifice? Sacrifice is the act of giving up something you want especially in order to do something else or help someone. As someone who doesn’t take care of your needs, you most likely sacrifice so much for the needs of others. Don’t give up so much of yourself. If you are someone who is always covering others shifts at work, allow yourself a break and don’t take the shift sometimes! If you are someone who gives everything away, let yourself have the last piece of chocolate sometimes! Sacrificing is a very noble thing and parents have to do it all the time but it’s okay to allow yourself to have things too.
Last but not least do some things for yourself! Pamper yourself, buy yourself some new clothes or shoes. Do whatever to make you feel good! When you feel good you are able to take care of others better. Moms especially we all know you have mom guilt when you do things for yourself. But look at it as you are taking care of you so you can help better your children’s lives. It’s okay no need to feel guilty, you are not doing anything wrong. Allow yourself the joy you spread to others.
“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow.You can not serve from an empty vessel.” -Elanor Brownn
Being selfless is such an admirable trait. Thank you for all you do for others. Aside from it being amazing it also can become unhealthy if it is done too much to the point where you don’t take care of yourself and you are unhappy and don’t know how to get out of this hole. Allow yourself to get help, allow yourself to have your needs met. You are worth so much and more. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. You are amazing, keep helping others AND yourself!
Let me know what you think! Do you have any more tips and tricks? Have you struggled with being too selfless? leave it in the comments below!
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I loved the last one, ‘pamper yourself’. Most of the time we buy others gifts that we never had, like a new flavor of a chocolate, you are happy they had it first, what about you?
I also think, Awarding yourself after a win, after overcoming an obstacle, after archiving something great! Award yourself, tell yourself words of affirmation, Eg say to yourself, “You Made It Man! I’ll take you out”. Subconsciously you will always want to do better in any challenge you face, making you a better person.
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Thank you so much! I really needed to know. Be blessed ❤