This is something that most people have a hard time admitting to themselves let alone others. I have always been an envious person. You would never see me admit that to anyone in a million years, well I mean except to you guys…right now. People mistake jealousy for envy. See envy is when you want what someone else has. Jealousy is when you have it (like a relationship) but it’s threatened by a third person and you fear that it will be taken away. There are always posts about someone else being envious or jealous but little posts about being the envious one.
From the time I was a kid if someone had what I wanted I resented them. It wasn’t fair, why do they get that and I don’t? I always had such a more difficult life than my peers and I resented people when they didn’t do anything to me and didn’t deserve it. I never went out of my way and did anything to them, I just felt anger if I saw them or they were brought up. When they were in my presence for some reason I didn’t hate them. It was more about if they had good news about something I was trying to go for, I’d become resentful. I’d try to come up with any reason I could think of as to why I didn’t like them, in reality, I was just jealous.
I hated that I was an envious person and sometimes I still will catch myself doing it today. That kind of negativity in your life isn’t healthy so I worked on it. I first called myself out and recognized when I was being hateful and envious and then I dealt with it. It’s hard to admit when you are being envious and you don’t really have a good reason to not like someone. So here are some signs you are being envious:
If you hate someone and they haven’t done something specific to you or can’t come up with a good reason why you don’t like them, let us face it you are probably envious. You can’t stand them for this reason.
There are certain people you see them and you feel immediately threatened and you want to be better than them. It’s usually people that are in the same career field as you or are going for the same things in life as you.
You’ll say they are fake or mean or come up with random reasons why you don’t like them and although it may or may not be true, that isn’t the main reason.
When you hear so and so’s doing good you feel immediate rage. You just don’t want them to be the one who it’s happening for. You think it should be you.
If you see them or they are brought up by other people you catch yourself feel angry and start trash talking them and everything about them.
You go on any platform to see what they are doing and just talk badly of them to yourself or to others.
It doesn’t matter if they are supposed to be your friend or not, you make sure to give them the wrong advice so they don’t do well.
If you purposely go out of your way to go see this person(s) social media and the things they are doing you should probably stop. Ask yourself, How does this benefit you in any way? It doesn’t. The only thing you get out of it is more resentment and more feelings of self-hatred and sadness. Delete them or block them so you can’t see them. You can undo this later if you really want to but not until you are in a healthier place. If it’s someone you see a lot and it’s hard to avoid like a friend or family member of yours take same space. If it’s a coworker don’t be around them when you don’t have to, stay away as much as possible. This includes staying away from people that might try to compare you to other people and where they are in life.
One of the reasons people feel envy is because they don’t feel good enough. Maybe you feel like you aren’t worth the things other people have and so you want to be like the person who has it. Why do you feel like you need to compete with other people? What is wrong with who you are? It’s time for you to recognize that what you do and who you are is enough. You don’t have to compare yourself or be just like this other person to be good.
Just because people around you or your friends are doing something, doesn’t mean you are any less of a person because you are moving at a slower pace. Things happen at different times to different people. And maybe you have to switch your path in life to best suit you and that’s okay. Maybe everyone around you has things figured out or their life is going in the direction you wanted. That’s okay because you can get there someday, there’s no rush. Move at the pace that works for you.
There are things you have that others don’t have. There are things you add to your relationships and career and life that others can’t. That person may have something you want or be good at this thing but you can do it too. And you’ll do it in your own way. You have something they don’t have just like they may have something you don’t. Don’t forget that you are a different person that has things to add in life too.
Instead of walking around being angry at those people or at life, try using all that energy for something positive. Use that energy to empower yourself and others! Okay so and so is doing something cool. You can as well and you can use that energy to motivate yourself and maybe the people around you. Set goals for yourself and achieve them. It’s not healthy to have so much animosity towards someone else when that energy can be used for good in our lives. Motivate others to do good in their lives just like you want to do.
Just because that guy is successful doesn’t mean you can’t be successful too. If you work hard enough you can be successful too! Does hating on those people make you any more successful? I’m going to answer for you and say not really! You can find your dream man/women too. You can find a career that makes you happy and best suits you as well. We are the ones who choose how to react in life to what happens to us. If you say you can’t then you are right you can’t. Different situations happen to different people and maybe you can’t do exactly what you wanted because of life and it’s unpredictability but you can do your own thing and define your own success.
This one is the hardest one and this is something that will probably come way later. Let us say they are a doctor and you really wanted to be a doctor but life just didn’t go in that direction for you. Look at it in a different light. They are helping people just like you wanted to, they are saving lives. In the end didn’t you want other people to live better? Maybe you can’t do it but at least someone is helping to improve the world! They can have their thing and we can be happy for them. We can do our thing and be happy for ourselves. This goes for anything, other people can have things and we can be happy for them. It doesn’t have to take away from us and our lives.
“Envy is the art of counting the other fellows blessing instead of their own.”-Harold Coffin
At the end of the day just know you are not alone and I have struggled with this too. You aren’t a terrible person for feeling envious it’s just something that isn’t good for any of us. It’s not your fault for having those feelings, it can just help us be better. The first step to getting over it is to admit it to ourselves.
What do you think? Do you know other signs of being envious or ways to deal with it? Do you have an experience you want to share? Share it in the comments below!
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