Closure Doesn’t Exist: How To Move On

We’ve all heard it before—“I just need closure.” Whether it’s after a breakup, the loss of a loved one, or an unresolved conflict, many people believe that getting answers will help them finally let go. But what if I told you that closure isn’t actually real?

Why We Feel Like We Need Closure

Society tells us that closure is the key to healing. We convince ourselves that if we just knew why something happened, we’d feel better. Maybe you want an ex to tell you that it wasn’t your fault, or you feel like you need every detail of a betrayal to make sense of it.

But the truth is, even when you get those answers, the pain doesn’t magically go away. You might stop ruminating as much, but you’ll still feel the hurt. That’s because what we’re really searching for isn’t closure—it’s control.

When something painful happens, we struggle to accept it. Our brains crave resolution, much like how we see an incomplete circle and instinctively “close” it in our minds. We want things to make sense, to have a clear beginning and ending, because uncertainty is uncomfortable.

But life doesn’t work that way. Some things will never fully make sense, and waiting for closure keeps us stuck in a loop of pain.

The Illusion of Closure

If closure were real, then knowing the truth about a situation would be enough to heal. But would hearing why a loved one left or betrayed you suddenly make you okay? Would knowing why someone passed away erase the grief?

Studies have shown that even therapeutic techniques like talking to an empty chair—where someone imagines speaking to the person who hurt them—offer only temporary relief. That’s because true healing isn’t about getting an explanation; it’s about learning how to process and accept what happened.

Clarity vs. Closure

Now, don’t get me wrong—sometimes asking questions can be helpful. If you go through a breakup and want to understand what went wrong so you can grow from it, that’s seeking clarity, not closure. If you need details to understand a loss for your own peace of mind, that’s about finding information, not magically erasing the pain.

But waiting for closure as a requirement to move on? That’s where we get stuck.

How to Move Forward Without Closure

So if closure isn’t real, how do you move forward?

1. Accept that it happened. Stop searching for the perfect explanation. Instead, acknowledge the pain. It’s okay to be hurt, confused, or even angry.
2. Feel your emotions. Let yourself grieve, cry, or even scream if you need to. Suppressing emotions only makes them linger longer.
3. Shift your focus inward. Instead of seeking answers from someone else, ask yourself: What do I need to heal? What boundaries do I need to set?
4. Let go of the “happy ending” fantasy. Not everything in life wraps up neatly. And that’s okay.
5. Choose acceptance over control. Instead of trying to control the past, focus on how you want to move forward in the present.

At the end of the day, closure isn’t something you get from someone else—it’s something you give yourself. The real healing begins when you stop waiting for an external resolution and start focusing on your own growth and healing.