Loss of identity is something a lot of people experience. We usually experience this after getting out of abusive relationships, growing up in an abusive home, having a confusing childhood, dealing with sickness/mental health issues or death, going through major changes in life like loss of job or loss of someone. The list goes on and on.
You may sit there and be like “who am I? I have no sense of self, who I want to be, where I am going. What is right from wrong? What are my opinions? I feel like I have little direction.”
This can cause anxiety, low self esteem, being too much in your head, denationalization and depression. Decisions will be hard, keeping conversations may be difficult and your mood will be hard to keep up with. Don’t stress! Although not knowing who you are can be such a difficult time in one’s life I promise it won’t last forever. Especially if you make moves to better get past this time in your life. Here are some things that can really help!
First things first! What caused you to loose yourself? Is it something going on right now? Is it something from your past? Did you never have a time where you were yourself and it is hitting you now? Really sit and write it out or just talk about it in general.
After you discover that, ask yourself what do you know about yourself already? Who are you? What was the “old” you like? Can you list a couple good traits about yourself? Some of your flaws? How about goals you have achieved or want to achieve? If this is all too hard for you think to what your closest and most trusted family/friends say about you.
What do they say are some good traits about you and some of your flaws? When we are so lost in who we are, using what the trusted people around us tell us as a guideline helps start that foundation of figuring out who we are and where we are going.
Ask yourself all the hard questions! Take some time to write a list of things you already know about yourself. Think about what your trusted loved ones have said. Think back to the times of why they said those things to you if you feel like you don’t believe it.
Something that helps when you have no idea who you are is to have a guide of who you want to be. Do you admire someone who is brave? Compassionate? strong? What are some traits that you would like to work on being more like? Now this is not a time to bash yourself and think how you aren’t those things. This is a time to learn and use it all as growth.
This also is not a time to tell yourself you’ll never be those things. That is not true at all. Whatever you work on, you will be more like. We are always growing and changing. You are not the same person or into the same things you as you were when you were 10, right? Or at least I hope not. What we water, grows. You can be whatever personality traits you set your mind to and work on. (Realistically of course, you can’t be exactly like a movie star, that doesn’t exist.) These will add onto your already personality traits that we’ll bring back as time goes on and you feel better.
Sometimes we feel confused about who we are because we have outside influences trying to tell us who we are. Even if they have good intentions they could still be hurting you. Take a step back from those people. Anyone that makes you feel bad or just makes you feel negative after being around them. This is a time for you and rediscovering yourself.
You don’t have to step away from them forever. It is a temporary thing or it could be permanent if you want. It’s important to take a step back from those people so you can gain a clear mind and not have those negative outside influences. You are in rediscovery mode. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time for yourself.
Once upon a time you were happy! Even if it was for a brief period. And you most likely had things you enjoyed doing. Bring them back. Do all the things you used to. Even if you realize you don’t enjoy those things anymore after doing them. It is good to discover that so you know that is a new thing you learned about yourself.
This is a time to explore yourself! Be spontaneous, do things you have been wanting to do but have not. Reach out to others, people you maybe haven’t talked to in awhile. Ask others for help. Go skydiving, get a part time job, start a side business, take pictures, go for night strolls, go hiking. Whatever it is be adventurous! Go to random meet ups and say yes to things you normally say no.
Do whatever to discover you, what you like, and where you want to be. This can help you decide your goals, dreams, who you want to be around and who you want to be in general.
We as humans can get stuck in our ways and patterns and do not get out of them without a fight. So how do we get out of patterns? By switching it up and doing things differently! A lot of the times when we aren’t sure who we are we can get confused with our beliefs, opinions, or even what we feel is right from wrong. A good way to discover that is to have those types of conversations with new people. When we talk to the same people we can get lost in maybe taking on their beliefs and ways because we love and care for them.
With new people you don’t have that same attachment and it can open your eyes to new ideas and things. You will discover new views and opinions on things, some you’ll see you don’t like and some you’ll like! The way we form our views and opinions is by being exposed to others and sharing what is going on in our heads and the world around us.
This is an extremely confusing difficult time. You may feel like you are lost or in a hole you can’t get out of. Be compassionate and gentle towards yourself. It can be a frustrating time but you’ll pull through! It just takes time and some self discovery work. Before you know it you’ll be looking back at this time and being grateful you went through this to be who you are now.
What do you guys think? Do you have any tips to add? Are you going through something similar or have a story to add? Share it all in the comments below!
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2 Comments
Thank you for a very compassionate and helpful article. It takes away the torture on getting lost and brings a perspective of adventure and discovery. God bless you Missy and may more people find your helpful guidance and be inspired in the appreciation of life.
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