In my suffering with anger issues post, I talked about suppressing emotions and how it may be a cause of anger. So people who don’t have an issue with suppressing emotions just sees an irritable person and doesn’t know what to do. You want to talk to them or help them but all you get is “I don’t know’s” or anger or even silence. They either don’t feel comfortable enough to share or haven’t yet figured out what is going on. All they know is they feel something is wrong and aren’t sure why they can’t express it or what to do. You may feel yourself becoming frustrated or wanting to give up because it can feel so difficult to deal with! Don’t worry I got you on this one. So what can you do when someone close has a hard time expressing themselves?
I know it’s hard when you are around someone that is clearly having a problem and won’t share what it is. You may notice yourself start assuming what could be wrong to cope with the lack of information. That doesn’t help because you could be way off and the issue won’t get resolved. Assuming is good for certain situations but when it comes to this, it isn’t a good idea.
Assuming just makes it so it’s another way for you guys to not talk about the issue and it creates more of a wedge between you two. It’s okay for you to have an idea or take a guess of what’s wrong but that should be discussed between the two of you! Assuming means you think you know with little evidence. You want to know definitely so it can be resolved!
Patience is super important when dealing with someone who’s struggling. It can be really tough on your end but it’s really important so they can get to the point of expressing themselves. They aren’t too sure what they are feeling and if they are, they might not know how to let you know. If they feel you are irritated, they will be less likely to share. So just try your best to practice patience with these guys.
This is a question not everyone may be able to answer because knowing our needs can be hard sometimes! But ask them if there’s something you could do that would make them feel more comfortable sharing. Maybe they need a hug, maybe they need some space, maybe they need you to not yell. Find out if there is something specific that could help them become comfortable sharing whatever is going on. Do whatever to make them feel comfortable and help them feel like it’s a safe space that they can share in.
Imagine what it must be like for them to not be able to share. It’s such a lonely, frustrating experience. They don’t have the tools or the coping skills to be able to express themselves. Compassion could be a helpful component in helping them figure it out and share.
People who were never taught in a healthy way how to express themselves lacked encouragement. Encourage them and let them know it’s good and healthy to share their feelings. Remind them that you guys are on the same team and how important it is to share each other’s feelings. Without talking your feelings out, nothing will ever be resolved. Resolving things means you can get back to having a better time faster. Some people who don’t express their emotions try to avoid conflict, but in reality, their avoidance is creating more conflict! If they are scared, make them feel they aren’t in trouble.
If they are up for it talk through the different emotions and ask what describes what they’re feeling best. When they figure out the emotion try to go through things that may be causing that emotion(s). If talking isn’t really working out, encourage them to write! Writing is very helpful when it comes to figuring things out, as we write more and more things start to make more and more sense. Encourage them to take time to figure it out so that you guys can work towards finding a solution. Because the problem is not going to just go away. It will keep happening until it’s dealt with.
Sometimes it’s helpful when they feel like things can be done in their time, under their circumstances. It can give them a sense of control over the situation when they may feel a lack of control. It also gives them time to think and possibly evaluate their thoughts. If things are just not going well and it’s hard to get them to express themselves, ask if you guys can set up a time to talk. They can pick whenever at whatever time, just let them know a talk is important. Let them know you need to communicate so that way you guys can move forward. Sometimes caring for the other person helps them to want to get their emotions out.
Unexpressed emotions will never die.They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”-Sigmund Freud
Being involved with someone who suppresses their emotions can be a difficult and long process! They may have gone many years of suppression and communicating is a whole new world to them. It is their issue that they don’t communicate but also we could be making it harder for them to want to open up. We may make them feel like they can’t or feel there’s no point. So it’s good that we make it a good environment to help them share. It’s not just for them but for us too! We need someone who’s going to help us understand them and their issues. It’s much better to talk it out then keep it in.
Have something to add? What are your thoughts!? Do you have more tips on how to help someone express themselves? How about a story you’d like to share? Leave it in the comments below!
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