First things first, I want to say I am so sorry you feel heartbroken right now. Heartbreaks are the worst but they get easier as time goes by. Love affects our brain like a drug, similar to cocaine. It activates the part of your brain that feels good. It releases dopamine and makes us feel amazing and some can become addicted to the high of being in love. That’s why it can feel like you are having withdrawals and be in physical discomfort in your chest and stomach etc. I wish there was a way I could take your pain away. Although I can’t take your pain away I can offer some ways to help get through the pain. Here are some tips that can help make the suffering easier!
Time really does help recover from all wounds. As time goes on you wont feel that ache in your stomach. You’ll get into a routine and as hard as this is to hear, you’ll get used to not having your love in your life as much. So when you are on the floor, crying, eating Kit-Kats watching the notebook wondering why that can’t be you, just remember it wont be like that forever! You’ll find your Noah/Ali. Give it some time.
I know sometimes breakups can be humiliating or painful and you may not want to talk about whatever happened. It’s harder to keep it all in. On your own time when you feel good and ready, let someone you trust in and let them know. Talking it out helps you feel less alone and able to process it easier. As well as someone to comfort you. It may even help you figure what went wrong and how you can improve for your next relationship.
Let me tell you something. There is nothing better than a good breakup song that gives you all the feels and speaks to your soul. There are songs that are identical to your situation and how you are feeling. Find them. It feels so good hearing someone else talking about your situation in a catchy tune. As well as finding songs, you can write your own too. It’s therapeutic especially for all you gifted musical artsy people.
Journals are a life saver! After my first love ripped my heart out and then fed it to his new girl, I wrote in a journal everyday for a year of letters to him. Some pages had stabbings in them and some were love letters begging him to come back. Writing your feelings out feels so much better than keeping them in and it can feel like you are talking to your ex and addressing them without having to deal with the headache. It helps you heal faster since you are dealing with the emotions as they come to you.
Some people just want to go around and act like nothing ever happened. In reality something major happened! You both lost a relationship and possibly a best friend. Let yourself feel the emotions that happen so that way they don’t come back and bite you in the butt later. If you don’t want to be sad all day, and you feel a sudden rush of sadness or anger etc. Give yourself a time limit of feeling those feelings and then move on with your day. Pushing those feelings aside will only cause bigger turmoil later.
Distractions are important as well as being around people that love us. It is very important we go through the emotions but we can’t be doing that all day everyday, that’s exhausting! Constant thoughts will surround you about your ex and the breakup. So call up your friends, neighbors, family, past relationships whoever you want and have fun! Go out, do different things. Join a group, pick up a hobby. Maybe focus on the relationships in your life. You can do whatever you like! Just don’t be by yourself all day everyday with your thoughts.
In relationships we loose a little bit of ourselves in the other person. When we focus on ourselves and try to work on ourselves, there’s less time to be focused on the relationship. There’s a reason you guys broke up. There’s things you both did in the relationship that could be worked on. What are the things you did that would cause problems in the relationship? Were you too needy? Too argumentative? Too negative? Did you let yourself go? Really sit back and re-examine the relationship and work on those things. That way you could have better future relationships whether it be with your ex or someone else. Break ups are great learning experiences. Take this time to focus on yourself and take care of your needs and focus on current goals in your life with your job or debt or whatever it is.
It doesn’t have to be forever but in order to heal it’s best you stay away for a little while. Minimum a couple weeks to a month. Talking to an ex after a breakup is like slicing your hand open and then putting salt in it thinking it will heal. It will heal eventually but it’s a very painful process. Staying away from your ex gives you time to think about what went wrong and if you want to try for a relationship in the future. It gives time for you both to forget the bad. When we stay away from someone, as time goes on bad memories fade away and good memories come through. You’ll most likely want to lean on your ex when you break up because that was your best friend, but they are the reason for the pain. The one who got broken up with feels much different than the one who did the breaking up. It will just hurt more because they don’t feel the same and they can’t make it go away. Give yourselves time to heal before trying to come back into each others lives.
Last and final, it’s important to accept what happened. It’s over, the relationship wasn’t a success and that’s okay. The earlier you accept it, the easier it is to move forward in your life. That doesn’t mean you can’t come back together because you can! But you can’t with that past relationship. Moving forward it has to be a new relationship with a fresh start. The past will be left in the past. If you don’t accept that it’s over it will be much harder to move on with your life with any relationships.
“Everything is going to be okay. Maybe not today, but eventually”
In any event, I know right now it feels like your world is falling apart and like nothing will get better. It will! Whatever happens will be the best for you. It is going to be okay and you’re going to make it through this! I hope some of these tips help and just try to stay strong!
Do you have any tips you want to add? Are you going through a current breakup? Share in the comments below!
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[…] ex, write in a notebook, that is what I did and it really helped! You can check my article here on how to survive heartbreak. Hang in there and keep working on you! There was a you before your ex and there will be a you after. […]