The Emotionally Absent Father

A lot of people have emotionally absent fathers and they do not even realize they have emotionally absent fathers. This is because in society it is still perceived that feelings are for women and children. Or that feelings are for the weak.

So this can cause men to withhold their feelings and suppress them as they have this mentality. In reality, feelings are important. Without being able to understand our feelings, we will make decisions and not understand why we make them. We can’t feel genuine happiness without feeling our other uncomfortable emotions. So that is why feelings are not for the weak, but for the strong.

But because society and their fathers place this mentality on men and this toxic masculinity still exists, they are out of touch with their emotions and being able to express their emotions. This causes men to not express their emotions which causes them to not be able to connect on a deeper level.

When it comes to the emotionally absent father, a lot of people will physically have their dads there where their physical needs are met. Maybe he works and he brings home the bacon or maybe he goes to your shows or sports events but when it comes to an emotional connection, he is not there, he is unavailable. Having a father’s emotional support is important but it is not something that is nurtured enough. Which goes into the role of the father.

A Fathers Role

The father is generally security where he is supposed to protect you. He is the disciplinary, the one that is supposed to lay down the law and protect you from a perceived threat. This is because biologically they are physically stronger and are better suited for battle. So when you do not have that, you will feel like something is missing. You lack security and it hurts your self-worth. This hurts your self-worth because you are wondering why your father will not validate or give you the time of day, you will internalize it and wonder “is it me? Is there something wrong with me?” So it hurts your ability to connect with males. And with women, you look to your father figure of how your relationships should be with a man, and with males they look to their fathers of how to be a man.

Signs Your Dad Is Emotionally Unavailable

Here are some things you will experience when you have an emotionally absent father:

• It is hard to have a conversation with him- your conversations will be shallow or nonexistent. You may have conversations about the day, the whether but when it comes to deeper stuff, those types of conversations will be nonexistent, It is hard to connect with him. He does not get to know you, who your friends are, your likes and dislikes, who you are as a person. They are not able to show interest or have those conversations or talk about their feelings.

• Express little affection- hugs were scarce, I love you’s were rare or only happened on certain occasions, it was hard to share your feelings or appreciation.
• He will avoid his emotions- he will have a hard time expressing himself, you probably rarely if ever have seen him cry. So because he wouldn’t express his emotions he has a hard time allowing you to have your emotions. he may have belittled your feelings, dismissed them, ignore when there is a problem and invalidate you. You know you can not have certain conversations with him.
• He was either very angry or very passive- your dad may have been very reactive, get stressed and angry at the smallest things, they would show a lot of anger and lash out at you. Or they were very passive where they would stay away from you and be invested in other things like t.v, friends, outings. He did not say much to you.
• Addict- your dad may have been a workaholic, an alcoholic, drug addict, serial cheater, gambler or addicted to something. This is because men view themselves as providers and if they do their job of being a provider they will detach from any type of emotional intimacy. but then they will find themselves addicted to something else as they are most likely suppressing themselves and avoid dealing with their emotions.

How This Will Affect you

Since you did not have a sense of security, you will struggle with feeling insecure especially when it comes to having a relationship with a male. You will either avoid relationships with males or become overly needy in relationships with males.

You also may notice you struggle a lot with feeling worthless or never enough and be an overachiever.

To learn more about how this affects you and what to do about it watch the youtube video above.