Being able to depend on yourself and being self-reliant is so important but when it is done too much it can lead to anxiety, depression, burnout unnecessary pain, and failed relationships. That is why it is super important to be aware of how this can affect you.
It comes from a childhood where you felt like you couldn’t rely on anyone. Maybe they have betrayed you, dismissed you or you had negative experiences relying on others. Or your parents weren’t really around so you had to take care of yourself or even your siblings. Or it could be that you were taught never to rely on anyone, only rely on yourself as people are untrustworthy and unreliable. You also may have been burnt too many times so you feel like ” screw everyone else, I will just focus on me.” If you have been burnt too many times or if you had to live in survival mode then you will solely worry about your needs and getting your needs met.
Pride: Ego is trying to protect you by being prideful. You don’t want to seem weak to others so your ego will come up and put those walls up thinking it is protecting you from a perceived threat or from being vulnerable. Asking for help is a vulnerable thing so instead of asking for help, you try to do it all yourself.
Control: It is easier to do things as that gives your control rather than trusting someone else to do it their way on their time schedule. This can make it hard for you to hear no or get rejected so you try to control that from happening so you just do everything yourself.
You feel validated: You get an ego boost at the thought of not asking anyone for help. This is especially true if you fantasize about how people think of you when they see how independent you are. It can become addictive where you want to do things by yourself because it makes you feel validated. Really it is masking your insecurities and your fears.
Fear being a burden: You don’t want to feel like a burden or make people feel uncomfortable when you ask things from them. Really what you are doing is preventing your relationships to grow or making people feel like a value in their life.
Avoid relationships: It keeps people away and it stops you from experiencing pain or disappointment. You may use avoidance as a way to avoid being vulnerable or allowing others in.
When you don’t ask for help from others, it makes your life a lot harder. You will feel burnt out and feel like you need help but don’t ask for it. So you will get stuck in this cycle of needing help or needing a break but not knowing how to break this pattern as asking for help is out of your comfort zone.
Also because you don’t ask for help from others, you miss out on insight from others, and then it prevents you from growing. We as humans can’t judge ourselves very well, we need the input of trusted others to see things in a different light. So we miss out on growth and suffer in silence.
Or you will get defensive and become egotistical when someone offers advice or help because you are actually insecure and don’t have genuine confidence in yourself. All these things can affect your relationship where you take away the feeling of people feeling valuable to you.
So how do you heal? You can do it through these four steps:
To learn more watch this video.
