We have all been there. Your head is filled with thoughts like ” I don’t understand why I can’t just let this go!!” Something keeps popping up in our brain and we just can’t let it go! No Matter what we do it just keeps bothering us. We could try to ignore it, tell it to go away, get angry at it, pretend it doesn’t bother us but it still stays with us. This ranges from situations to relationships to thoughts and obsessions. It’s hard to let go. It may be deeper than you thought.
Something that keeps bothering us could seem like its cause is a simple reason but usually if our conscious keeps trying to bring something to our attention there’s a bigger meaning at hand. For example lets say you can’t stop thinking about food. You’ve tried all different therapies and diets and mind things and you just can’t shake off the thought of food. It turns out food isn’t the issue, you obsessively think about food because growing up you were tormented about eating by your parents. You would get teased so to cope you became obsessed with food and thoughts about it.
Food was something you could control and it brought you joy when you were sad. You may have even buried those memories deep in your subconscious to protect yourself. Maybe you originally thought I just like food, it tastes good! Seems simple. In reality your obsession with food was to overcome your trauma. In order to get past your obsession with food, you need to get past your past abuse and your low self worth.
Most things we can’t let go is because of an underlying issue. We can’t get past a relationship because maybe they abused us so bad making us think we can’t do better. Our self esteem is bruised. Or we can’t get past a relationship because we put them on a pedestal. We put them on a pedestal because they were the only good thing during a bad time.
Can’t get past a situation because we didn’t get to express ourselves the way we wanted. Can’t let something go because of the lack of control in our lives. There are so many issues and underlying reasons why we can’t let things go. The moment we can understand is the moment we can start to work on them and realize the real issue at hand. This is sometimes hard to recognize on our own. This can require outside help from a professional or even sometimes writing it out helps. When you become aware there is a bigger reason why you are having a hard time letting something go, then you can start your healing process and figure it out. Really dig deep in there and go through things.
We can’t let anything go if we don’t first start with deciding to let it go. Are you willing to take that step in your life? The best part of that is you get to be the deciding factor. It is very possible to let it go. The ball is in our court to let go and if we don’t, it could eat away at us. Actively say out loud ” I am going to let this go.” This is not only the first step but in itself makes people feel empowered and like they have a form of control.
When things happen to us, it is hard not to be like they did this to me, they are the reason I’m like this. Yeah it sucks they did do this and that to you. They did hurt you. It is unfortunate and I’m sorry that happened to you. The moment you just blame everyone else is the moment you take your power away and make yourself helpless and unable to get better. It traps you in a state of victimization. That person wins if you let them trap you.
This is an opportunity to take power back and learn from that experience. You are aware and enlightened now. Now you know how you don’t want to be treated or you know what to watch out for. You are empowered now. Take ownership in your part, what could you do differently next time? Where did you go wrong in the situation that you could do better for next time? It could be as simple as walk away next time or being aware of the signs of an unhealthy person. There is always a lesson in every situation. It is good to acknowledge our pain for ourselves when someone has hurt us or wronged us. Staying in that stage however makes us prisoners of them and to our negative emotions.
A lot of the times when we feel like we can’t let go it’s because we didn’t get the closure we needed. And we can’t always get the exact closure, life happens and it doesn’t go exactly how you want. You maybe didn’t get to express yourself the way you had wished or the other person was not open to hearing what you had to say. Things just didn’t go the way you had wanted. Forgiveness is a really big factor in letting go. We don’t always need to directly talk to the person in order to let go and forgive. You can’t always understand why someone did what they did. We can only try to understand yourself.
You can do it right at home or with another person. The person who hurt you is unaware of how the damage they are doing is affecting you and that is their own personal defect. That has nothing to do with you. Not being able to forgive makes you unable to move on. And this doesn’t just apply for forgiving of others, the biggest issue is not forgiving yourself. Maybe you are struggling to forgive yourself for your decisions or the thing you have done. Unwilling to forgive doesn’t make it not happen because it already happened and the consequences of that thing already happened. You aren’t gaining anything from not forgiving yourself, it doesn’t help you in any way it just hurts your progress.
Start by writing a letter or telling someone you trust what you wish you could have told them. Tell them how much they hurt you or what they did to you. You don’t have to hold back express everything. If you need to forgive yourself express all the pain you caused and how sorry you are. You deserve forgiveness too because punishing yourself forever doesn’t help. When you have released all of that, write a letter of how you wish they had responded to you and in the end say “I forgive you and I’m letting this go.”
If your issue is control find healthy things you can control. Take matters into your own hands. You can control what you do in a day or who you talk to. If you don’t like how things are going you can come up with a plan to find a better way for yourself. Knowing you can do things to better your life can itself help you let go.
Make the decision to let go, take ownership where you can, deal with the issue that makes you feel like you can’t let go and forgive.
What do you guys think? Have more to add? Are you struggling to let go of something in your life? Leave it all in the comments below!
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