If you are being manipulated, the last thing you are going to think is that you are being manipulated. Manipulation is to control or influence a person or situation in a skillful, clever, unfair way. Basically, it’s when someone gets you to do what they want in subtle ways without you realizing it. Everyone is manipulative from time to time but when it’s done to abuse others, that is when it is toxic. Manipulators will use indirect tactics to control your behavior, emotions, and relationships. They know they are being manipulative majority of the time and direct you to do what they want without telling you.

Have you ever had someone consistently do things for you when you could do it yourself and they made you feel like you couldn’t do it? Or that they can do it better? That is an indirect way to make it look like they are doing something loving but in reality, they have secret motives to make you feel less than. They want you to feel like you can’t do things without them and you need them. That is a subtle way to control and abuse you.

Manipulators are usually Covert Narcissist. They are the wolves in sheep’s clothing and have hidden agendas. Everything looks a certain way but there is hidden intent behind it all. Since it is so subtle how do you know? That is why in this post I’ll be talking about the signs to watch out for that you are dealing with a manipulative person. Here are the signs to watch out for:

12 Signs Of Emotional Manipulation

1) Belittle You

Whenever you try to talk about things they’ll make it seem like it’s not important. They may try to make you feel stupid for thinking or feeling a different way than them. This includes insulting you and criticising you. Manipulators will talk to you in a condescending tone of voice or a sing-songy mocking voice. Your problems don’t matter and manipulators will make sure you are aware of it. They will make sure to make you feel inferior and like the things you say are irrelevant.

Things you may hear:” Why are you talking about that? What do you know? You don’t know anything about that.” or ” You barely passed school, you don’t know anything.”

2) You Are Always To Blame and They Are Always The Victim

If you ever bring up something they did, they will make sure to turn it around and make you the bad guy. They didn’t do something they said they would? You are the reason for it. Manipulators can’t take accountability for anything because then that would mean they are wrong and they are never in the wrong, you are. That’s what they think. The way they want you to see them is that bad things happened to them so that is why they are excused for all their behaviors.

Things you may hear: “ I couldn’t do what you asked because you are making things difficult for me.” Or “ You are the reason why we can’t have a good relationship.”

3) Do Nice Things But Make Sure To Throw It In Your Face

They will be the first ones to offer to help you but it comes with a price. The price is to make sure you are reminded that they did this thing for you and that you owe them. Any time they want something from you and you don’t oblige, they will remind you how much they do for you. Everything they do looks like they are being selfless but really it’s all selfish. Their motive isn’t to make sure that you are okay and have what you need, their motive is to look like a nice person and so that they can remind you that you owe them.

Things you may hear: “No? After all I’ve done for you, you are so unappreciative.” or ” I gave up my life for you so you could have a good one.”

4) Use Guilt Trips

Guilt trips are basically ways to make you feel bad for behaving a certain way and to then get you to do what they want. This is another way they victimize themselves and play on your insecurities.  They may make you feel guilty for doing something without them or for doing anything for yourself. Manipulators also do this in ways to gain your sympathy by using things they have been through to get you to do what they want. They may bring up their past abuse or bad situations to guilt you into doing what they want.

Things you may hear: “I really needed your help but it’s fine I’ll ask someone more willing.” or ” Go do what you want but I’d never do something like that when my friend is in need”

5) Passive Aggressive Behavior

Passive aggressive behavior is non-verbal aggression that comes out in aggressive ways. Instead of verbalizing their issues they retaliate in subtle ways. So basically that means doing things like them taking subtle digs that you don’t realize until you think about it or saying they are fine but then acting angry. Subtle digs are hard to pinpoint because they are hidden underneath general statements or even what may look like a compliment. You will notice yourself feel bad but may not understand why. It also includes leaving things undone,  being mean and then blaming it on joking or making you upset and acting like they aren’t doing anything.

Things you may hear: ” you look good, almost as good as your sister.” or doing things to upset you and then asking “why are you so mad?”

6) They Will Say Something And Then Deny It

It could be over little things or big things. It could be as little as saying they’ll take you to Disney world and acting like they didn’t. They may have said awful things to you and pretend it never happened. They could say yes to a request and then deny it. It’s your word against theirs. And manipulators will do whatever to make you look like the crazy lier. So whatever the case they will deny and never admit to anything.

Things you may hear:” I never said that.” or “why do you make things up?”

7) Twisting Your Words To Benefit Them

You may tell them something and they will twist it so it looks like you meant something else. Or they may take something you have struggled with and use it in a way to turn it around. Let us say you told them you have been struggling with depression. They will take that information and use it to their benefit. So lets say they put you down and you stood up for yourself, the manipulator will then use your depression as a reason why you took what they said the wrong way or why you can’t handle certain things. They will do this with any information you give them, they will twist it in a way so it benefits them. Manipulators will also put different meanings on your words so you will look like the bad guy. For instance, say you said they could use your boxing gloves after you were done with them. They may take that and say you said that they could have your gloves permanently.

8) Get Others To Do Their Dirty Work

Manipulators love to feel like they have people that can support them in their toxic behaviors. So they will go to other family or friends and tell them this exaggerated or even twisted story that happened between the two of you. They may also tell them to go talk to you about it or they know that these people will go and talk to you about it and do their dirty work. Manipulators like to have people gang up on their victims so they can fill their ego that they are right and you are bad like they have been saying. They also can use this so they don’t have to be the bad guy/girl.

Things you may hear: ” This person feels the same way I do.” or ” So and so is going to have a talk with you when they get home because they do not like the way you have been acting towards me.”

9) Gaslight You

Gaslight is a term that comes from a movie called Gaslight where a husband tries to convince his wife and others that she is crazy by manipulating elements in her life. Gaslighting is basically when a manipulator or abuser does things to make their victim question their sanity. When you feel like you are insane you feel like you can’t trust yourself which makes you more inclined to trust the manipulator. Gaslighting includes manipulators telling you your memories are lies or that you made things up, lying to you, telling you over and over that you are mentally insane, dismiss you when you want to talk about issues, and make their mistakes your mistakes. You’ll know you have been dealing with gaslighting because you will feel unable to trust your reality and you will feel completely crazy and believe what your abuser has told you.

Things you may hear: ” You are too sensitive, it was only a joke.” or ” you are a crazy psycho.”

10) Withhold information

In normal healthy relationships, people will willingly share information, no problem. In manipulative ones, the manipulator will play games and withhold information. This is a type of control they have over you and they don’t want you to have certain information. They may not tell you calls you have gotten, things about school or work, where they are going or maybe where they are taking you. This doesn’t apply for maybe something someone doesn’t feel comfortable sharing about them personally. This more applies to things that have to do with you and possibly your relationship.

Things you may hear: “Don’t worry about it.” or “You don’t need to know that.”

11) Make Things Look How They Want You To See It

Earlier I talked about how manipulators make things look a certain way but have hidden agendas. If you notice when it comes to manipulators, everything they do looks like they are the good guy and you are the problem. They will put you down and uplift themselves in subtle ways so you start believing you are bad and feeling bad about yourself and thinking they aren’t at fault. They will do controlling things but say it is in the name of love or they will put you down and say it is out of trying to help you. No matter what it is, they want to paint a picture so they seem good and they want you to believe the story they are telling you.

Things you may hear: ” I’m telling you not to act like that because I love and care about you.” or ” you are so lucky you have me in your life to help you.”

12) Silent Treatment

This should be called silent torture. The silent treatment is a way to let you know they are not happy with you and want you to be punished. They may give glaring looks, disapproving head nods or act like you don’t exist all together. You may feel like you have to jump through hoops to get them to talk to you again. Manipulators will make it last until they get what they want. Their goal could be to make you suffer or until you agree to their terms and conditions. This can cause great anxiety in sufferers because it is shown to activate the same areas of the brain that go off when in physical pain.

Manipulators can be anyone. They can be a parent, a friend, a significant other, a sibling. Being around a manipulator can make you feel all around negative, depressed, or anxious and you may have no idea why. You just know being around this person makes you feel not right and bad. It is important to become aware if you are being manipulated because it can torture you for years and you aren’t even aware. So if you recognize some of these signs in someone in your life, consider distancing yourself or getting some help. You are not crazy, you are not alone. Your feelings are real and valid. Don’t suffer in silence.

What do you think? Do you recognize any of these signs? Maybe even in yourself? Do you have a story you want to tell? Share in the comments below!

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