Apologies, we have all had to give them or receive them at some point in our life. Apologies are a way for people to feel acknowledged and it helps them move on. But they aren’t always said with meaning. Sometimes people just say them because they know they have to or they’re being manipulative to get what they want. It’s good to be able to recognize disingenuous sorry’s so we can see whos genuine in our lives and who’s toxic. It helps us understand why we may feel unacknowledged or understand people and their motives in general.
It’s better to not apologies at all than to say a fake sorry. Apologies help us forgive others but they aren’t always necessary to forgive. I wrote a blog post about how to forgive others even when they don’t apologize. So what are some ways people look like they are saying sorry but aren’t really?
This is a big fat definite not acknowledging what they did apology. Saying “if” means they take the responsibility off of themselves and makes it possible they didn’t do it. That is not taking accountability whatsoever and is not a genuine apology.
This is a way to say sorry and make an excuse for themselves. Saying “but” always cancels out everything said before it. It’s like acknowledging it but then completely negating the apology.
Is hands down one of the worst apologies ever said. This one completely takes the responsibility off themselves and onto you. This is used a lot of times by abusive people who blame their victim for everything. They say this so it looks like they are being sincere but it’s a sneaky way to blame you and make themselves look good. “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a good example of that.
Doing something once is a mistake. Doing it twice makes it a choice. Everyone makes mistakes but the moment you see someone apologizing for the same thing over and over again and still does it makes it not sincere. This shows they are just apologizing because they think its what they’re supposed to do but doesn’t genuinely care how it affects you.
Genuine apologies are never asked for and usually include themselves and what they did. “I’m sorry I…” is a good starting example of a genuine apology. That’s taking responsibility for what they did. If you have someone close in your life that apologizes like this, and they are an open person maybe try talking to them about it. If you have someone in your life that does things to you and then apologizes like this maybe consider if they are toxic in your life. We all make mistakes, it’s not always the mistakes we make but how we come back from these mistakes.
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Do you have more to add? Comment below and let us know!
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[…] when they do things wrong nor apologize for them. And if they do apologize it’s an inauthentic apology because others are watching or they want it to look like they are sorry so you stick around. That […]