This blog was writter October 20 2018 and Revised October 6 2019
You ever notice yourself one minute feeling like you can do something and you feel all empowered and the next you feel like you can’t do anything and nothing is your going your way? That’s the phenomenon known as Black and White Thinking. Black and white thinking is basically just everything is all bad or everything is all good. You can’t see the grey area or that things can be in between. This can also be combined with catastrophic thinking where you think worst case scenario and you imagine things like the end of your world.
It usually stems from our childhood somewhere. Whether you were taught to think more on the negative side from your parents/experiences/surroundings or you happen to be more at risk of anxiety/depression from your genetics. It is usually a combination.
What happens is we have neural pathways in our brains and the more we think in certain ways, the more it strengthens those path ways. So starting as a kid we were taught to think negative thoughts. ” I’m a loser, I can’t do anything right, everything bad always happens to me.” Now when we think these thoughts over and over it strengthens those neural pathways and now that is the first thoughts that come to your mind. Those are your go to thoughts.
But don’t worry! Just how you strengthened those pathways you can create and strengthen new ones! When we start to think differently we will then start to strengthen those other pathways and our thoughts will start to shift to the less negative and the more positive/neutral.
It took you years and years of thinking negative thoughts to become this way, it will take you some time and practice to undo what you have been practicing for all this time! It takes hard work and dedication, you don’t just wake up not thinking negatively anymore. Here are some ways to help get through negative thinking.
The first step in conquering a problem is to recognize you have one! Every time you are thinking negative thoughts realize it. Don’t just push it in the back of your head or dismiss it, actually bring awareness to it.
Recognize when you are having catastrophic thoughts where you imagine the worst possible thing is going to happen, or like I said earlier black and white thinking or even just blaming yourself. You may even magnify bad things that happen and make it feel worse than it may be. Or even you may notice that you take things personally when it doesn’t have to be or you blame yourself too much. All of those are part of your negative thought pattern that is putting you in a bad place.
I don’t know why but when I was typing out challenge them I said it in a Mortal Kombat voice. You know like when the guy says “Finish him.” But instead, it is towards your thoughts. Challenge them! Challenge your thoughts! Come up with evidence that it is or isn’t true. What evidence do you have that something can’t happen for you? Actual evidence not just mean things you tell yourself. Is it accurate or factual? Would you talk to a friend that way? What would you tell your friend? Do you know for a fact that this thing is going to happen? Question your thoughts.
Be aware that your thoughts are just that, thoughts and they are not reality. Distinguish the difference between what is actually happening and what are just thoughts.
If you have a hard time determining if a thought is something you need to let go, ask yourself some questions. Is this something that benefits you or hurts you by thinking about it? Do you have control over it? Is this something that is happening or you are you just afraid? Are you just telling yourself these things?
When you are having these negative thoughts or negative self talk I want you to give them a name like Mildred or maybe of the person that reinforced these negative thoughts. Seperate yourself from the negative thoughts. When you notice the negative thoughts pop up think “Oh that is just Mildred agian, that is not my thoughts that is mildred trying to take over!” And then have you and your name come back into your thoughts with the positive self talk.
It may seem silly but this helps you to disconnect the negative thoughts from yourself as well as letting yourself know these types of thoughts are not thoughts you want to keep in your brain. They are someone else’s thoughts not your own. You are more nurturin, kind and gentle with your thoughts/words towards yourself.
You can’t control what pops in your head but you can control how you respond to it or how you react to it. For every negative thought you have, replace it with three positive ones. So let’s say you start thinking what a bad day you had. Pause and think “This and that bad thing may have happened but I got to eat a donut today, I woke up on time and I made someone smile.” Or “ this person is great but I also have things to offer too.” When you make this a habit, you will notice your negative thoughts will shift to where you are able to think more positively or even not in a state where you go to worst case scenario.
This is a helpful exercise where you literally imagine taking your negative anything in your mind and vision it being dropped in a trash can. It could be you doing it, it could be you imagine your mind is a computer and you are taking the mouse and putting the thoughts in the trash can. Whatever helps you feel like you are getting rid of the negative thoughts. I know it can seem silly but taking something and visually seeing it placed somewhere outside of our consciousness can help bring clarity and peace in our mind.
The key to getting rid of negative thinking is to be mindful and replace that thinking with something else. We can’t just simply stop thinking that way. The mind does not work that way. We have to take action to make it a habit. It takes awhile to change our thought patterns so don’t be so hard on yourself when it does. You may start to notice little things changing in your thoughts or how you think as you do this more and more. I know negative thoughts can be draining and you may be so used to it you may not even realize. But it’s time to make a change! Don’t let negativity rule your life!
What do you think? Do you struggle with negative thoughts? What do you do to help yourself? Leave all of that in the comments below!
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